you can do me here
she offered
with a lascivious smile
wide as a prison gate
I’ll just lift my skirt
& how to refuse?
but I did
suggesting maybe later
thinking much much later
if ever at all
after her fella was asleep
with the dope & booze
he was two fisting
in the corner of the bar
your loss she murmured
drifting away
to find another dope
& sure enough
half an hour gone
her fella
& the wannabe fuckee
were in the alleyway
fighting
I don’t know how I knew
but I knew
instincts maybe
there is always
it seems
an ear open
for poison
gossip of the unkind kind
slivers of malice
whispers creating pain
& the only revenge
true vengeance
is to turn them away
show them the happiness
that reigns
when you do
wanted me to drop by say hi
& I went because I’d heard
he was dying & wanted to see
me & Judy split he says
like tears are hiding close by
yeah I heard some story
she found you & her friend?
he scowled like a dog at that
just a thoughtless fling y’know?
anyway I asked you to drop by
talk of times how we let our friendship slide
can you remember how that happened?
could it be the money you borrowed
the music you stole from me
you saw me broke & walked away?
I don’t recall one bit of that he sighed
I thought it was about the time
we shared that apartment
I couldn’t pay the rent ran away
forgot to drop you a line
to tell you I’d met someone new
I’d see you right if not in cash in kind
can I get you a drink? I can’t I’m dying
busted heart broken body mind all gone
yeah ok make it strong & I’ll stay a little longer
I always was a sucker for your lines
when this
when they
take over your head
circle thinking
in the small hours
heat rising
the burn building
this
is when you know
you
have lost
they have won
so you get up
drink water
put on the tv
take a walk
just don’t reach
for the bottle
the pills
because then
they have more than won
they
have killed you
the secret to green fingers
tell no one
but hold this close
the secret to green fingers
is to grow so many
whether seeds
seedlings
cuttings
that there will always be
survivors
I’ve been trying to grow jacarandas
In this colder
higher latitude northern hemisphere
& from 25 seeds
into seedlings
finally
I have one
grown past 2 feet
a budding tree
I have green fingers
I think
maybe know now
I offended them
riding through the city
with getting cut off
almost rammed
cars changing lanes
no indication
wannabe racers
challenging at the lights
& all I want to do
is get home to her
end of a working day
but no
they’ve seen the biker flicks
think I’m the evil do’er
makes me public enemy number 1
so when they come up behind
start beeping the horn
I give them the finger
not knowing then
these were people I knew
trying to say hello
how to say now
just
you wouldn’t understand
one night when she was out
I felt I needed
to put a key logger
on our computer
to find
she’d already put one on
to get evidence on me
the biter got bit
I knew it was time to leave
cleared my crap off’f the hard drive
called a friend to help
moved my shit out
surfed a sofa or two
for a week two
until I could begin
rebuild again
turn right here she goes
no no I protest its further down
turn right she says again
with such surety I turn right
and
we’re lost
again
I have to turn around go back
back to where we started
drive further down
oh why do you listen to me?
she asks all broken up to be wrong
you have this certainty I say
your way is the only way to be
I had to fight my sister every day
she says now all mournful
who would fight black was white
the sky was grey & she was loved more
so like a fool
I listened & forgot to not listen
to her instructions
until the next time
I was floating
just doing my thing
not taking too much too serious
letting anything that happened
happen
& I took that wave
as far as I could
not that these unfreaks understood
they were fighting each for scraps
morsels
stepping over each other
drawing lines drawn redrawn
over in the sand
& they called me feckless
reckless irresponsible
yet now
I look over their castles
still not getting it
because I can reach out
crumble them in my hands
should I ever feel the need
I don’t hate these guys
far worse than that
I despise them
running to their mummies
oh so prissy wives
the man said’ed a bad word
save me save me please
these simps
never broke one day of sweat
of their hissy fit lives
lived bread & cheese
until pay day came round
worried about dying cars
gas for the bike to get to work
wanting life to be all flowers
& pretty pretty things
while us lesser mortals
know truth
