yin to your yang

my need for outside

v your shut-in ways

lack of understanding

that this thing we have

life

is about adventure

new experiences

getting better

at what we do

while you fuss

about appearances

the toys

to indicate affluence

evidence of who you

think yourself

to be

soft easy furniture

heated surrounds

to watch the box

see the world

second hand

so long ago

not that this happens often

or much

but

if I mention her name

his face goes awry

like he’s holding on to something

that he thinks I don’t know

& I want to say

let’s just let whatever go

that you might have had

with her

so long ago

I was done with her

she with me

& if you want to spit it out

do so

but let’s not pretend

about something

so long ago

of the crowds

maybe it was

the light in my eye

way of talking

thinking strange ideas out loud

but I was always impressed

how others knew clear

way before I did

I was not of their kind

just a passing through man

destinations unknown

& there were times I dearly

wanted to be part of a crowd the crowd

but no maybe it was

the light in my eye

talking odd thoughts out loud

amongst people who will tell you

we like ideas like to discuss

but no there lies the smokescreen

the ideas the discussion was always

what they knew feel comfortable with

where that for me was a starting point

looking into the void

maybe it was the light in my eye

a madness keeping me out

of the crowds

& I couldn’t see this at all

but they always did

way before me

trains of thought

there are a couple of schools

trains of thought

on these things

this place I’m living in for now

has Les’ wandering the hall

whispering in the bedroom

that he’s not happy

with the furniture

pictures hanging on the walls

he bought this place in the 50’s

when it was brand spanking new

moved in with the missus baby daughter

over time they either grew up or moved on

but Les’ grew his tomatoes

talked with the neighbours stayed on

part of his community

until last years the dementia

walking the streets bathrobe slippers

looking for something that had gone

& now he strolls the hall unhappy

with the changes we’ve made

the two schools of thought here

one being that ghosts walk amongst us

the other I’m mad as the hatter

again

Eric Satie

would play on from the corner

Once upon a time In Paris

I remember that full well

the white sheets 600 Egyptian thread

& her hair her body stretched out

her need for another bottle

I was pushing hard then

trying to finish an education

make some money get by

& this exotic creature

had dragged me in to her life

not that I needed much dragging

I was wanting some romantic love

where she needed a sidekick

some sad soft led lad adventurer

to take the sin shoulder the blame

& being invincible good times to come

dropped headlong deep into that game

six months to fall in & eighteen in all

for me to climb out escape her clutches

I got Eric Satie playing in the corner now

that room that bed those sheets the woman

have all gone

as has any memory of any kind conversation

but the music? plays on

existential crisis

big words small times

I go visit go sit with

his girl has been scanned

already had one breast lost

now it’s her throat

she thinks it’s her time to go

she of course is not talking

to him or to me

so we sit are talking to each other

an existential crisis

big words in small times

talking of lives & death

that we’ve used up in music

tv the movies books magazines

riding bikes our choppers

anything helped us nay say

suggest life doesn’t end so

& now it is

big words in small times

hoping against hope

this time too will blow

but now we know

it just ain’t so

won’t take hold

haunts

come in the night

when I can’t sleep

the booze

the weary

won’t take hold

when was the last time

me & the girl before this

we made love?

not the last time we did it

nor the one drunk

or that grudge rub

but when was

the last time

there was passion

some kind of need?

some version of love

& yeah that does it

trying to think that thru’

I’m asleep until the morning

gives me all the answers

I need

fealty lay

come by

once in a while

painted some fences

dragged gravel around

did the dishes

offered to do some painting

she said no

I got people come do that

they work pretty cheap

seemed she liked them

which was more than

she had going for me

& I tried to retrace my steps

see the place where

we’d stepped out of line

& I think it was doing

these things for free

refusing money

sense of family loyalty

she would love me more

if I’d made her pay

that was where her

fealty lay

Anhedona

after Annie left

we learned

to call her An hedona

he didn’t want to go out

stay in

do anything

to find pleasure

in the many things

that had pleased him before

& as he is your friend

you apply the knowledge

of your own times

knowing this will pass

& if it doesn’t

new territory beckons

far beyond your shore

the little things

I’d say clear

you ain’t listening

as we wore each other down

with the insignificant

the little things

that destroy

whatever you thought you had

between you

but the bigger truth

it was me

had ears

eyes closed

I wasn’t listening

she was bored of me

bored with me

& some time later

after I had walked away

gained clarity

I was bored with her too

learning late

had my own clogged ears

& mind

that was new