poor ideas

I did it the once
swore to never
ever
do it again
on my knees
begging to stay
& now
I’d not give you the time of day
you had something
in the palm of your hand
crushed it
let it fall to the floor
& now
If I cannot forgive
me
you
I despise for the lie
you dangled
how you hid the truth
the who you really were
wanted me to hold
blame for
the worse of it
was that I swore
to never
do that again
that’s the despise
the warp
I allowed you to build in me

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a from e

I don’t know my arse
from my elbow
oh they’ll tell you
but in you I found
a true
that I can
sometimes forget
& that’s cause
I need time
effort
to get my shit together
may not
always
be wide awake
& you too
can bring the pain
that loving brings
forget forgiveness
understanding
is what we forget

Shack job

I met her in the street
& we found a dead space to do it
& I lost track of her after that
tho’ I remember well
her glue on my thigh.
Years later
we met in the street
& she wanted it again
& I remembered her glue
We went at it
it was kind of good
she got me to move in
what little I had to shift
some records, papers n books
& the days passed
& we laid in bed
listening to the rain
watching for the sun
we went at in the outdoors
any place we could
& head back to hers
& I’d watch her eat
my head was elsewhere
but that didn’t matter much
until the day she said:
this place don’t pay for itself
& I came to with a jolt
& what little I had to shift
went the other way
there would be another
who might glue me to her thigh

Just let the mystery be

An entire buttersweet
slice
from each generation
set aside
as
Dotty English Ladies
barking at moons
railing to injustices
only they fathom
or possibly name
I’ve liked some of them
as a species
individually
have loved fewer
in ways too twisted
to reveal
mention
anywhere else than
their sacred
scented
pillow’d beds
engineered
in halls of mourning
be-ribboned
hallowed rooms
bursting with ghosts
spirally creating
more urge
by aching
unquenched
desires
passing before them
I found them
In darkened corners
slow tears rolling
dripping
to space
coutoure’d clothes
in stunning inarticulacy
unlike the later
screams
cleaving doors
hearts
proposed orderly
futures
where they landed
lies
way beyond my ken
for I shared them
such short times
whether I pushed them
further
along lofty panic’d ledges
or created
joy’d escapes
only they
as then
as ever
as always
will know

Some

Some of the best things
don’t always start out that way
stumbling drunk on the pavement
was it the drugs?
and lost in my little world
thinking if anything
it would end that day
today
I see you searching
for me in newer lovers
it’s a stretch to remember
words you used to put
the pain deep into me
cars were beeping
to wake me right up
and all I wanted
was to sleep with you
holding on to the past
you know how it ended
I see you keeping
to your end of the street
but it’s still so hard
to give my thank you’s
the closing of that door
you made plain your pity
as I see your thin raincoat
baby
you made your imperfect storm.

Crazy Kid

I wandered the streets
whenever I could
looking
all that I knew
my momma was gone
wasn’t ever coming back
and everybody hated me
I was listening in
honing my homing signals
I even got close
to where she was
a couple of times
but no connection.
I was three, four
picking fights
with bigger kids
windmilling fists
into their soft bellies
they’d put a wire litter basket
over me
holding me prisoner
or they’d see me coming
‘its that crazy kid’
and run away.
The even older kids
would let me be
their girls would comb my hair
and I’d feel that
as love
we’d build volcanoes
in the sand pit
great hollowed out piles of sand
filled with trash
set it on fire
there’s a metaphor right there.

scorned beef

She tells people
that
I beat her black & blue
I reneged on the deal
I stopped her being her
I am a charming man with ‘issues’
friends turned away
and that made me glad
who needs friends like these
then
work got shut down
and that made me sad
I had thought her better than that
you can beat a man
take away his pride
take away his sleazy friends
but to hurt his pocket
man, that’s snide
I’m sure I wasn’t always good
but a cheating woman
doesn’t deserve nice
or me to stick around
a lying woman doesn’t get
my love
my trust
a woman scorned
they say
without thinking
there may be a reason
she is scorned.