liar liar
just another man
just another liar
I was hearing all right
my eardrums on fire
screaming I was a no good man
liar liar
while I was putting my pants on
ready to flee the scene
wondering how we had come to this
driving away quick
looking in the rearview
expecting a running figure
nothing but night
Houdini escaped again
fleeing a shit show
thankfully this time
no cuts bruises
stuff thrown around
swearing this time
this time
I won’t ever go back
the angst seeps in
around four in the afternoons
I’ve gotten done what was needing done
& now?
take the lady for a walk
the hog needs a back road blat
go back to bed dream of high times
old times when the goose was fat
avoiding overthinking shit went wrong
the mebbe I shoulda if only I coulda
those if only I’d’ve knowns…
or the drinking starts early knowing
in some high water ray kissed port
far far away in the heat
the sun
is high over the yard arm
& if a man needs medication
the time is always
now
I saw deserts in her eyes
those brown orbs
thick dark eyebrows
black lashes
skin that picked up colour
at the hint of sun
I fell in
every time she
looked directly into mine
I love you she said soft
full of meaning
that I could not ignore
if though over time
I took her for granted
that being
the usual problem with beauty
in any form
we come to see as normal
I pissed over there
to stave off the boredom
driving our pick up truck thru’ the city
picking up dog shit bins pissy dead mattresses
endless trash cans fly tipped household shit
I was so drunk I fell asleep against that wall
prodded awake by a police boot telling me
if I could get up walk away I could go home
& over there…yeah yeah he’d go
it was over there I got caught by this fella
all stary eyes about two in the morning
every move I made he made the same back
took me ten minutes to realise to my shame
it was a shop plate glass window reflection
all we were doing was topping each other
my pissed over there story is better than yours
holding off the boredom picking up dog shit bins
pissy dead mattresses & the stink of trash cans
shouting pathetic rages
she was indeed one of those women
who break every now & then
thinking feeling balance
needs a shouting bout
to even up the passion of love
I was a lousy lover when drinking
I’d turn over start snoring
& she felt rebuffed
ok ok I hear you I offered
thinking knowing change never comes
that if I took the bait we’d be here
hating hurting until the night comes
any apology would bring another verse
I fixed her a drink gave her a hug
& she pushed me away hard
sitting drinking it for her thinking oh man
how long lord will this one last?
we were broke again
but this time we were cut off
from lenders credit at the store
wondering what to do
as we busted up crates
to burn in the fireplace
sitting silent cold thinking
knock at the door
fresh voices coming in
I hear you broke?
we need a place to play
got a sound system
new ideas to throw out
& the deal was done
that Saturday night
we charged at the door
people brought their own drinks
or bought that & smokes inside
listened to the sound system
bounced that old floor & around four
we had to close the doors
after six the dj’s left
happy with their 50% cut
as we cleared up the mess
finding little happy surprises
half bottles full bottles
baggies here & there
we weren’t black or white that night
just broke people fighting poor
the biggest fraud I ever felt
was being mugged in new york
I’d flown caught the greyhound
out to Philadelphia
then a local bus to the suburbs
to meet this girl
who turned out to be a drunk
she didn’t want me
except as a drinking bud
& after a few days of that
I had to leave
her family were warning me to go
I tried hitching out
then back on the bus
& walking distracted in the dark
this black guy friends snickering behind
wanted my money my grandads watch
his intent being stronger than mine
I handed these over
to later sit in a bum hotel
bought with the last of my sock money
no glass in the windows no tv no heat
staring out in the dark night
thinking over over
have I come to this?
I learned early
when the scrounge
came around
if they ask to borrow 5
give them 10
just make sure
you lean in to say
I know you need this
pay me back soon as you can
& know for sure
you let it go
that you will never
see that 10 again
& with luck
nor them
she doesn’t approve
that I turn over the page corner
on my well thumbed books
from
Hemingway
Kerouac
Bukowski
Fitzgerald
Hunter S Thompson
Wolfe
Robbins Tom
now aging books
would prefer I use a book mark
I tell her I don’t think those cats mind
its not as if they’re gonna
come round
knock the door to complain
issit?
there seemed to be
a great interest as to what
I might do for a living
in my adult life
when I grew up
though I noticed
they never asked
how I was today
any ideas? they’d say
& I had none to give
having told when I was five
I wanted to be a poet
a writer of plays
& man they laughed so hard
after that blow
I had nothing more to give
now all I’d say was away
away from here
& in response they’d wonder
where are you going?
I’d laugh right back
in their uncurious faces
any road will do eh?
if I don’t know where to
