dream

room full of poets

expecting the prize

roar up on my bike

people sipping wine

looking at me

oh no not him

not tonight

I have to change

out of my blue jeans

into the black

putting on socks

which have

become gloves

with extra fingers

bike boots tight

walk in sit down

as they announce

& the winner is

looks on faces

disbelief pissed off

the roughneck gets it

& I’m smiling

like I knew it

all this time

ghost

I was happy then

for a little while

me & her

those ancient oaks

in a section

closed off by roads

& the usual ‘fuck off’ signs

we found us a spot

to stop

walk in hand in hand

feeling the energy

bright clean air

I loved her then

the lust the loving took hold

we’d make love

under those aeons holding trees

& later we’d walk on

drinking all of that in

looking out for the old man

in blue dungarees

not fussed about us

just keeping an eye

& she never saw him

but I did

understood the news

he was bringing

none of this was eternal

not me & her the love

or the trees

me & Jim

drinking large then

she came over

asked me to dance

& I knew straight

just one glance

she was gonna be trouble

but hell why not

this might be

my last chance

she spun me up

danced me around

liked my smile she said

me & jim bought her

another round

took her home

she stayed a while

until came her time

to move on

no regrets no hate

just my smile

had faded of late

she said she

needed to go out dancing

get her some fun

where I had none

so me & Jim

poured another one

is where we

started from

hobbitual

in the corner of the café bar

she sat smiling at me

my failing always

the boho hippy girls

I tried talking to this one

& each time

she’d pick up her book

the hobbit

flick through the pages

take a reading

before answering back

& yeah I figured quick

this one wasn’t playing

with the full deck

she told me if I was

looking for something

then here might be something

but maybe not

the something

I was looking for

it was about this time

I recognised

maybe I’d be better

looking somewhere else

for the something I was needing

maybe over misty mountains cold

what I had was not

what was wanted or needed

here

take some time

my suggestion when

things weren’t going right

lets take some time

just to reflect

what works what don’t

where we can be better

& she looks blank at me

that sweet smiling face

says I don’t like to think

about the bad things

things that’ve gone wrong

I’m just doing the best I can

every day

& I don’t ever know

how other people think

go about their lives

without the thinking over

overthinking the shit gone wrong

not to make the same mistakes

ever again

I look into that sweet face

knowing she loves me

understanding coming late

if she don’t think on the things

that’ve gone wrong

I just might be

the source of all that

I lied

one of those

close encounters

a pretty face at a party

caught in a glance

across a crowded room

heat in our eyes

those that can cause flame

as we slowly circled in

we talked of nothing much

while i felt the tingle

lower belly down to my balls

feeling sure

I’d be making love

with this one

we agreed to meet later

another time

I gave her my number

as she gave me hers

mine was not right

I made it one digit out

weeks after my friend told me

he’d started seeing her

the number she gave

was one digit out

should we meet up?

but I knew I’d be busy

that night

like I knew when I first saw her

she’d be the one to take my life

off the road

somewhere nowhere in Spain

I had to get off the road

just stop rest up for a while

I’d been dragging her around

for a while now

& the weight of her expectations

the heat miles ridden

the relief of being alive

after running with the bulls

had all become too much

I turned off into a field of gold

where wheat had been harvested

to sit for a while in silence

hoping for sleep hoping for peace

but she wasn’t tired

did not understand

kept talking talking about nothing

that had happened or we’d seen

we had a grumble fuck instead

now that she understood

& then we fell asleep

when I woke I felt clear

the joke was upon me

these experiences being here

I’d hoped to be shared

were mine & mine alone

she would never get it

being the passenger

just along for the ride

after hours

some Saturdays

when the thirst is strong

the after hours boys

give out a come along

to an open house

until the sun comes up

& this one don’t understand

why they never get given

& yes I know it’s a losing game

to try to talk sense to dim cousins

you know when you said

donny’s house was a midden?

you’d give bob’s wife one

if she’d just get rid of him?

he’s looking at me blank

I was drunk right? just kidding

y’have to remember I try

talk like that never gets forgotten

nobody here cares much now

about what you say anymore

you’re the guy always finds fault

& who needs that on long nights

drinking talking about nothing

waiting for the sun to come up on dawn

trying to find the happy bottom of the glass?

& you my friend like to talk give trash

not understanding this band of brothers

might not care about anything

but talk like that? only makes you low class

ethics

she came after the class

wanted to complain

about the F given

felt she’d done all she could

heeded the bidding

do you recall I asked

the tutorials at my house

six of you sitting around

long discussions?

things you needed to know to pass?

she nodded pink coming to cheeks

I know you recorded those

as do your peers

yet you never asked once

does anybody here object?

I I needed notes for recall she stammered

yeah yeah but did you share those?

type them out for others as answers?

this was an ethics class & yet

you never stopped to consider

the ethics of recording your friends

or me to help you gain the pass

she walked away after that

which was sad

because everybody deserves

a second chance if they can see

where they went wrong

offers a mea culpa

wants to make good from bad

prospecting

searching

reaching through

these note books

looking for gold

old thoughts

half forgotten journeys

places I’ve been

people seen

trying to read

my own spider scrawls

make sense

of it all

ideas

I thought once

might be useful

for discourse

reminders

to remember

the precious

coming in

& out of view