that’s all it is

it’s just a wire coat hanger

with a plastic bag wrapped around it!

she said with some scorn

that’s all it is

yes you’re right

that’s exactly what it is

found art I’m working on

some juxtaposition

of two disposable items

creating a third object

meaning Art in this space

her lip curled further

shit is what it is

it was about then

I felt it best to not

show her my writings

these jottings of poetry

& tho’ I knew we’d fuck each other

that night & other nights to come

she

was not the adventurous beast

lover

I was looking for long term

& maybe just maybe

she might feel that way too

faint whiff

suggestion of sea salt

faint whiff

drying seaweed

below the tide line

but no

this reek

of young love made in the morning

afternoon & maybe the evening too

because

y’know

y’can

y’want to so much

that was the aroma around

the recently married young couple

I interrupted in their train compartment

that long afternoon

travelling the top of Spain

from Santiago de Compostela to Hendaye

gazing out of the window

watching northern Iberia slide by

& in their silence together

I slipped away quiet

found another place to hide

leaving their perfume behind

come over see me

& you go wondering on the situation

we’re not kids anymore we know what’s in store

tho’ you feel some trepidation scooting on over

knowing what’s to happen

unless you screw up in some gauche way

she invites you in with a grin to her low-lit place

& you talk for a little while then you need the bathroom

see her toothbrush on the shelf

caked in toothpaste quarter inch thick

think well if she puts that in her mouth…

lift the lid take a piss looking in see the skidmarks marinating long

go back take a drink talk some more

ruminating within will I stay take the bait? find the door?

fumble with your lighter it hits the floor

on your knees scrambling to find see the crap pushed under the sofa

outta sight outta mind eh?

& lord knows your place is not much better than this but yet it is

& even tho’ tonight you’re showing out the urge to run comes on strong

because pleasant woman she is you’ve found another one is a hider

how in the hell can you find the words to tell her

thanks but no thanks ma’am

I’ve got to be on my way something is off here

if I stay longer i’m buying into something I don’t need

disappearing uncle

this fella would put on Hank

play me Merle

tracks of Dolly

to see if my ear might catch

but I was too young then

to appreciate the gold on offer

& too

I had nothing to mourn

the world was mine to snatch

did not appreciate the chance

to hear a song the melody

help a soul remember

good times & bad times

people who had come & gone

& then one day undisclosed

he became the disappearing uncle

leaving me

with someone to remember

the good times & bad times

listening close

for memory the melody

remind & rewind

attack of the greys

these people who can’t dance

have never

ever

done anything with their lives

raised no kids no animals

built nothing just bought consumed

but be safe play safe

worry about what

the neighbours may think

changing cars to show out

wearing nothing but pastels

beige some kind of fawn

& when they try to attack

sniping by text dead emails

even then they miss the chance

to dance get out to play

half assed insults that bounce off

insipid lukewarm elide of snide

in case of physical response

losing another attempt at life

living with the heat of anger

blast of air on their faces

but no another beige day

half assed attack of the greys

thirteenth

made my thirteenth

which made me a teenager

but I did not know

what to do with that

other than having urges feelings

spiraling around in my head

I’d already found

self-love in sticky nights

teen bands I was meant

to be in love with but wasn’t

the joy of beer & cigarettes

& that sweet year 13 going on 14

I thought I had the world

already worked out

had no idea of the pain to come

that I’d be made to pay

for these new found worldly delights

the aches of lovers who leave

taking most of me

& any dignity left with them

at thirteen my focus was on new shoes

new threads how I looked in the mirror

my circle of friends I’d lose over the years

then came the days

when I found the blues

awa’oot

top of Scotland

edge of the sea

sitting

on the big block granite

harbour wall

looking 20 feet down

thru’ the water to the sea floor

watching fish & crabs scuttle

this long-abandoned fishing village

quiet except for the gulls

the wind

easy lapping of the waves

& then yer man

comes walking in

rod reel creel & bucket

d’you think the weather

will get better? I ask

och he says

this

is better

Tim would tell

Tim would tell

of parking his camper

in the forest

miles out in the wilderness

finding the right space

sitting with his doors open

(in all ways)

absorbing the silence

to later

wake in the night

hearing noises

the fall of a leaf

crashing to the ground

sniffing of a badger

working out the what’s new

he’d be frightened at first

then would settle back

into the silence

until the dawn

at peace with the world

For Tim RIP

effin

fuckers

everywhere

fucking up everything

the world

themselves

& worse

when not trying

to fuck us over

these fuckers try to draw us in

to their fucking games

where there are no winners

& fucking losers

demonstrating that being fuckers

they don’t understand

a fucking thing

about any fucking thing

except the fucking up

before even they knew

it wasn’t that they would leave

or that I could feel them forming plans

before even they knew

no

everybody eventually gets used to loss

we have to this being part of being

no

it was the post mortems

the crying the lying:

you made me leave you

you with your wicked ways

justifying the cheating the creeping around

& all I wanted was: a peck on the cheek

some soft adios we had fun

got away with stealing horses in the night

for a little while

but now I must move on

to leave me with my bits of paper

pens pecking away at the typer the PC

alone again at least for a little while

until a new to me horse thief would pitch up in the dark

offer some fun for another little while

before they too feel the need to offer a run down

on my poor habits

like I did not already know them too well