thinking pbr & jd

two fisted

booth back of the bar

eye line for doors exits

old habits die hard

I was two fisted drinking

thinking pbr & jd

my good buddies just might

pull me thru’

when I saw her walk in

look around

make a shrug take a long sigh

order from the barkeep

came over carrying

this seat taken?

as she took the pew

sighing again

I knew I’d find you here

old habits eh?

she didn’t mention the fight

so I thought it best

if I didn’t too

such as you

Dear Neil

we’d like to invite you submit a poem

and to attend our annual poetry awards ceremony

this yearly event (since 1996) awards poets of merit

such as you

prestigious honors for their outstanding work

the ceremony is held in the XXXX 4 star hotel just outside sunny Los Angeles

on the 24th poets from all over the world will gather and receive awards

from $1000 to the overall Gold winner $500 for the Silver award and $250 for the

Bronze award winner other awards will be given of $100 each

all award winners will be included in this years annual awards winner anthology

these will be available after the event for $20 & will be sent to your home

we hope you will be able to attend as we feel your work is certainly worthy of a prize

rooms in the hotel are $300 including a buffet breakfast

other rooms in other hotels nearby are of course available our team will be happy

to help you find a booking

we hope you can attend our gala event on the 24th

to book your place at a table please send a $50 booking fee per person

this includes a light supper which does not include wine or drinks

book your place now by calling us on: using any major credit card

or by post to: enclosing a personal cheque

all attendees will receive a poetry awards lanyard & prize program

Your awards team

Laurie Syche-Ophant

but that stick got stuck

I don’t quite

know who or when

but that stick got stuck

right up there in her ass

what I do know was

she was standing in front of me

with a not faint sneer on painted face

you’re not very sophisticated are you?

like I wanted to be

had hung that shameful label

on my door around my neck

I don’t do snobbery I offered

if that’s what you mean?

oh dear came the sigh

I mean subtlety shading refinement

like you’re doing now? I interrupted

which seemed to agitate the stick further

I can’t expect you to understand!

maybe you could try leading by example?

I said then to her stiff rapidly walking away back

there are no winners or losers in this

but one of us will sip brandy tonight

without needing it to be a label brand

Aquitaine

there in the camp site showers

using the long echo of the place

some young fellas

were doing impressions

of de niro from taxi driver

you talkin’ to me?

you talkin’ to me?

but their French accents

were getting in the way

that & the giggles

so from behind my door

I answered low

well

the who else you talkin’ to?

I’m the only one here…

the echo dwindled

as the silence grew

& I felt it best if I left

who the fuck do you think

you’re talkin’ to

for maybe another day

& how to refuse?

you can do me here

she offered

with a lascivious smile

wide as a prison gate

I’ll just lift my skirt

& how to refuse?

but I did

suggesting maybe later

thinking much much later

if ever at all

after her fella was asleep

with the dope & booze

he was two fisting

in the corner of the bar

your loss she murmured

drifting away

to find another dope

& sure enough

half an hour gone

her fella

& the wannabe fuckee

were in the alleyway

fighting

I don’t know how I knew

but I knew

instincts maybe

interpreting

we had us a good run

took them years

for us a decade or so

before the truth got out

they hated me

everything I stood for

they’d been interpreting

right from the start

where I thought felt

I’d been operating

right from the heart

their hate bubbled out

rancid streams of piss

puke bile y’know the score

& I felt a sense of relief

thank fuck for all of that

at least from now on

I don’t have to bother

playing nice to these

smiling faces hiding hate

anymore

other side of the world

I got a call

where are you?

right now I said

I’m on the other side of the world

we were wondering where you were

as we hadn’t heard from you

in a while

I’d say 8 months give a week or two

that long?

I could hear the puzzle there in the voice

yeah that long

I figured if you didn’t notice my presence

then you might not notice my absence

they rang off

pretending not to understand

which was understood

by all of us

believe it themselves

even believe it themselves

they will say out loud that they love you

may even

believe it themselves

yet when you point out the gap

between theory & practice

the real feelings emerge

& all it was

I pointed out their controlling

the way they arranged everything

to suit themselves

not us their guests

when we stayed in their home

on one of the islands in the sun

please give us a little privacy

leave our shit alone

maybe not rearrange us

do our washing hang it on the line?

if you make the bed like in hotels

can I have that mint on the pillow

please?

I ended up wearing her man’s drawers

they’re black she said just the same

oh no I noticed right away I said

mine are baggier in the front

heavier balls you see

don’t you know?

just more

bumps you get to see

feel

share in the pain given

but the unseen

unheard

unspoken of

daily drudge

of the unkind

unnecessary

create the teen

growing into adult

thinking

feeling

this

is

how the world is

& your kindness

offer to help

probably

possibly

will be seen

in the light of this

as

just more

to come