i wonder about

I wonder about you

& you

whether your face

will ever

appear at my door again

or at some bar

where I’ll be putting down

some lines

words about the world

without you

& you

it is not that I want

for sure

need you

& you

in my days

nights

life

these are but the random thoughts

of your once flaneur friend

who wonders

about you

& you

& would like some juicy stories

to while away

winter evenings

& the cold mornings

where your hubris

might create a glow

if you have the will

Trauma creates psychology

& psychology

is character

its not that I want you

anybody

to fail

but I do

want

to see how you fight

watch how you do

deep in the trenches

that living brings

see how you cope

with the setbacks

life has

for all of us

we will watch & wait

see how you bounce back

or not

who you become

anybody can be a winner

when all goes right

but not everybody

can get up

after a loss

& begin again

trauma creates psychology

if you have the will

They who poison the well

there are those

who draw from the well

taking only what they need

they are not those

who spill waste around

creating mud

that gets everything in a mess

& then

there are those that poison the well

they will deny this

but that is what they do

& no matter what you do

drain it

clean it

attempt to counter the poison

the well

is done

will never be the same again

all you can do

is to walk away

find new wells

sources of life giving

water

exile the poisoners

from your midst

for having struck once

they will strike again

& if you do not do this

one time

they will

poison you

She was a sexy girl

& had grown now

into a woman

who loved sex

felt it brought her

all the rewards

that were surely hers

her man did not seem to mind

that her favors were there to be shared

I was one of the unlucky ones

she appeared not to care for

in the casino of her loving

one late evening

as ever

at a party

Jay came over

gently shaken

she offered me, man

offered it just there’

he pointed to a dark corner

she stood & said

you can fuck me

If you want,

right here,

do me from the back

I’ll pull my knickers over

& you can slide it in’

he was panting

all of this

as if it were a story

he’d heard told

to scare the children

he looked at me

eyes all over the place

shit man, I said

how could you refuse

such a gracious offer?

he looked at me again

narrowed his eyes

you can go off people

you know

he hissed

anthro’morphing

There can be little doubt

I am a lizard

not the lizard king

that was done some time ago

& look what happened there

I get lively as the sun shines

scuttling between shady spots

& basking in the sun

as needed

to restart the heart

take chase

for sustenance

the problem

with any of this

is my height

skin colouring

that I live in cooler climes

having to live for most of the year

without life giving sun

until we get the weeks

precious months

when we lizards

come into our own

 

 

 

Perve, moi?

Riding through minor towns

out to the country

where the miles roll away

there are moments

to stir the blood

cowshit on bends

tractors

emerging backwards from fields

or forwards

blades entering the road first

cars stopped

for no reason

but to enjoy the view

& there

at the back of a car

is a man standing

looking at me

with some intent

I’d ignore

but for that

intensity

& then I notice

his wife

girlfriends

whichever

a female bottom

naked

peeing in the lee

of a half open car door

& he looks at me looking

& I’m looking only

because he was looking at me

& now I’m a perv

a voyeur

or not

as I ride on

vanity

The light is low tonight

& I can see the grey

amongst the brown hair

people say to me

hombre

you dye your hair

& the ladies titter

behind their hands

at my vanity

like I’d use Grecian 2000

just for men stuff

I don’t

you know I don’t

yes I have my conceits

loving my long hair

that has cost me jobs

ladies

respect

amongst the posh white anglos

this

compadres

is mine

to dye it

would be to die

a mans hair

is his own totem

& to add colour

is to deny

who he truly is