series 11 episode 7

this act at the bar

cat charming the new girl

letting her know

what a great guy he is

she is studying psychology

having told us before

picking up money here

for the rent n groceries

hoping for tips & drinks

while us watchers on

have a book open

on how long she lasts

with us low lifers

rough talk & behaviours

or she finds out the place

down the street pays more

maybe one of our own

smiles nice becomes mr. right

or just mr. right now

we like this one got smarts

memory on who drinks what

a smile like natural

& we’re waiting here

him to try his best pick up line

yeah I was in this tv show

& as he leans in to deliver

series 11 episode 7

we shout that out together

he glares at us but it’s too late

the horse has left the gate

we’d spoiled the race

because

we are

programmed

to forget

most

of what we know

this is innate

built in

natural

part of being human

because

if we did not

we would

have to live with

the memories

of everybody

we have ever known

to be free

she told me straight

she was scared of my daddy

which made her run away

from me our lives

leaving us high & dry

because she needed

to be free

I only saw her once or twice

over my early years

no easter no birthdays

no Christmas no holidays

no love no teddy bears

& I grew thru’ all of that

maybe not straight & true

but there’s a fine line

I tried to cling to

later when she came round

meeting me in my teens

I had no real idea of her

what a mother means

& that was it from then

we’d meet occasionally

me afraid to upset her

say something wrong

until the time came again

she went missing on me

all she wanted was to be free

from people like me & us

we were just scary obstacles

to her lost ship out at sea

had to happen

I got the call

did

you know my mother

some time back?

thinking I had only

the music records

couple of books left

from those days

few distant memories

then she sent a photo

& I could do nothing

but agree to meet up

say hello

see if this is destiny

so we did all of that

& another one

got added in

to the family tree

so now

I got

different mothers

laying claim

to a piece of me

but no mother of my own

telling me how I should be

just these kids

I too neglected

to tell me

they love me

country

what keeps you

country

aint the lack of riches

the bitches

fast cars

drunk nights

it’s the friends

calling round at 3am

needing

a tow out of a ditch

a couch to sleep on

or that call from jail

nobody else

will take

it’s not like the scenes

on the tv

where everybody

seems to make it

by faking it

we don’t do that

we stay country

by living out here free

where there is nobody

to see

yet the neighbours

know who you are

what you got going on

cut price

another cut price

comer

living for Saturday nights

hoping for anything

something

to please

just for once

make good the night

got

the knock off levis

Mexican Nikes

street market Sauvage

crocodile shirt on

& yet

a head full of hope

with fresh underwear

riding up

cigarette boat camels

holding the street corner

blue smoking spirals

reeling out rope

hoping to land something

anything

with such a little hook

another cut price

comer

hanging on the corner

hoping for luck

this Saturday night

not regarded as a gift

the feature

I bring

not regarded as a gift

by those

I work with

am friends with

enemies with

is opening curtains

opening doors

that muddy people

love to have

love to keep closed

by bringing light in

making clear

just what is going on

these things we learned

come natural

from those of us raised

in dysfunctional families

this how now

we keep ourselves safe

from co dependent relationships

the muddy people

those in shadows

controlling people

& the ways they like

love to have

lying there

part of town

not been in

for a little long while

& as I sit

drinking coffee

writing stuff down

I caught a glimpse

back of the café

a slim figure

hiding by

oh I knew for sure

who she was

a girl getting out of here

flying woman once

going places

to reach the sky

so I rose

paid quick

& fled

for who needs

an old flame

to drop by

remind

who she

what you

might have been?

clerk the times

the bouncing Czech

I met him when we were young

he told me I would

amount to nothing but a clerk in an office

while he was going places

him & Kath his girl high flying

he believed it was love

that he loved her & she loved him

she would grow to be a leader

working for the world something in politics

& him?

his music would take him into bright lights

the crowds fame & money

& then

she told him they were over

their house of cards castles in the air

crashed down to the ground

now he works for the local council

one of those middle people

who do things with paper

that steady destruction of art & skills

that fill the semi active mind

& she married her next love

successfully had four babies

became a traditional housewife

& though they live ten miles apart

they never saw each other again

such are dreams such is life

fantasy & high times versus fate & fidelity

while all I can do is clerk the times

oblivion

comes the moment

maybe not the tenth

or even the thousandth

or more

these attempts

at finding oblivion

either through the drink

or your choice of drug

(insert name here)

then you realize

your objective

is moving further & further away

costing more

needing more effort

your body has adjusted

to the intake

& there will only be one way now

for true oblivion

or you could take a few steps back

try for something different

there will be pain on that road

but there was pain

where

you were going anyway eh?

so do you take the chance to grow

or just exist

on the road you’re going

where oblivion is becoming harder to find?