a day too long

we’ve been together

for a while now

which works well

when we were working

spending that time apart

but this holiday thing?

after the first week

she gets all grumpy

finds fault

tries to tear me a new one

& I look her square there

right in the eye it’s me ok?

me just being me

she don’t like my snoring

getting up in the night

the silly dad gags

this wide eyed looking

out into the world

seeing hearing all as new

this child infantile view

& I say it’s just me ok?

mebbe you need some time

out there alone

take a break take some time

now that heaven

another blue sky day

what will we ever do?

now that heaven

pursues you

walk along the beach

climb the mountain

ski run swim sail

paddleboard the hours?

but no we sit n sip margaritas

looking at the losers

the crazy mad clothes

they wear

how they stop & stare

at us drunk tourists

hooting in our chairs

then the bill arrives

we pat pockets

look at the blue sky say yeah!

tomorrow the next day

manana if not after

we’ll swim in the sea

walk along the beach

ski run swim sail paddleboard the hours

but now money found

it is surely time for another round

no going forward

lives steeped in the bitterness

of born loser poor

forever falling back

bad habits thin times

no way out or off

that broke down merry go round

no going forward to grow

move on up out away

lacking the internal push

comes from building

on small wins

to create bigger ideas

paths to run

& if you lend a long hand

the fear comes

you too may be pulled in

but you love them anyway

skirting the suck

dodging bullets

edge of the trenches

hoping your own poor light

might lead the way

burnt children

I can see it now

clear in my minds eye

turning that corner

looking down that street

sleepwalking those last yards

wondering

just how will it be?

knocking on that door

those long years ago left

whether this time

they might let me in

begin the torture again

or say come back

another day hey?

to turn on my heels

sag of the shoulders sad sack

make the hundreds back

to where I’d started from

the days before

there is no doubt

ever in my mind

burnt children

love the fire

sniff

there in the corner

of this ASEOS

servicios

men/disabled toilet

is a spare loose

white porcelain tile

larger than all the rest

parked kitty korner

of the cistern & wall

& I wonder

in that way

that gives a smile

of no wonder at all

what that spare

white porcelain tile

is for

this curse

you laid upon me

I would regret you

every day

those cruel words

truths laid out

taste bitter

in my mouth

everything

would be easier

if I had lain you

in cold ground

for then the knowledge

another is with you

but does love you

or stick around

this curse

you laid upon me

refreshed every time

I think of you

the words you never said

only the lies you told

circling in my head

instead?

searching

for

the right papers

the right people

to roll them for

or with

the right connection

to buy the necessary

whatever stuff from

all of this takes time

& long effort

& when

or

if you ever

give all of that

up

just what

will you do

instead?

Christmas in the sun

here among the palm trees

Christmas songs sung

of reindeer in the snow

by voices not English

American or Canadien

other accents shining thru’

while we walk in short shirt sleeves

feeling the warmth start of a tan

fake fir trees in the shops

surrounded by identical

gift wrapped presents

as the shops next door

for people buying perfume

gifts for the nina’s nino’s

while we saunter by

off for more cheap drinks

wine & tapas in the sun

wondering just when

the spirit of Christmas

might kick in

as the raven smiles his smiles

you must do

what your heart deserves

quoth the raven

to the Doc’ pulling him

for the drinking

the smoking

chasing the wrong women

who always but always

started out

as ms. right

to fall at early hurdles

did you mean ‘desires?’

nope said the raven

tell me Doc: how are you?

you still paying off

the last wife the new car

living with your parents

until you find your feet again?

I think we’re done here

says the Doc with a sigh

see you in 6 months

we’ll do a review

ok?

as the raven smiles his smiles

forget Hollywood

turn off your tv

it is not the special things

first time making love

that makes what you have

real & true

it’s the smile she has

you get to get

the chore of groceries

the cold beer she brings

when you’ve chopped wood

changed the car tyre

these are the glue

holding everything together

coming into warm

shovelling snow

building that snowman

eking out the rent

last beer last bites

waiting for pay day

together

then those times

making love against the war

of just living day to day

makes what you have special