Ms P came along

& man was she beautiful

& that was all she came with

a small bag of clothes

couple of books & records

& nothing else

& in that way

that never quite got said

out loud or clear

she was mine to look after

to feed to clothe

provide with drink

other things as necessary

& to complete the picture

I was a flat broke bloke

skinny as a racing snake

ragged and

and not much else

if we had money we spent it

& if we didn’t we didn’t

we’d find pills for friends

the Doc loved her beauty

would prescribe anything

diet pills sleepers diazepam

we’d take these or sell them

go on a booze jaunt

until that money ran out

kids with nothing to do

but fuck each other

laugh at the crazy

our life was

what else could anybody

ever want?

grinding along

oh you she said sad

you just grind along

doing what you do

everything I have

& I mean everything

has been taken away

I also said sad

so many times

I’ve learned to take

whatever I can get

this other thing other?

that you think

is possible to be?

I know not that way

but please

if you’ve got better

show me please

I catch on quick

but she never did

she left me flat

just grinding along

books on loan

the book returned to me

from Australia

loaned to her when

she had been a student of mine

some long years ago

with a breezy note

hope all is well

the book staring at me now

from the shelf

that I’ve been meaning

meant to return

to an old friend not seen

in some time

on monoliths menhirs

books on loan

some are never meant

to be returned

as reminder

everything including life

is only ever

on loan

the paseo

every night

to be seen

but not be seen seeing

watching others

this showing out

of relaxed

well dressed

well shod

able to swing out

go walking around

this place you love

own

your pueblo

town

maybe take in a tapas

glass of wine

sit & laugh

head thrown back

to walk on

meeting friends neighbours

fixing the fixable

taking in the gossip

the we of us

that makes life liveable

love struck

would she

laugh at me now

if she knew

I see her likeness

in the street the movies

in a toss of hair

flash of dark eyes

peering out of a café window

or

might she be angry

at this love struck fool

for feeling her everywhere

worse still

be full of scorn

for him not stepping up

when needed

& laugh in my face

should we ever meet again

tell me at my age

I should know better

even if

obviously I don’t

the Ohso

up on the mountain looking down

as the wind smelling of sea

whips the pepper trees

further down I can see the Mediterranean

watch the waves

finding the beach as a faint line of white

it has taken me all day to walk up here

& tonight

I will sleep under the stars

tho’ I’d be happier & warmer under clouds

& less thankful for this strong wind

they were careful to tell me

when I told of my plans

wolves still stalk this land

those & brown bears

the Ohso

& to be fair rotten talk such as that

does put a crimp in my mind

so I find enough wood

to last a lifetime night time

down in a hollow of rocks

 many others have used before me

& sleep the sleep needed

to recharge the batteries

be reminded what it means

to be a mountain man

I am brujo!

flying thru’ the air

cracking my sticks together

I am brujo!

flying because I must

having left my shoes

in the house of the woman

the woman who knew

knew too many things

that I was falling in love

with her but now I am brujo

flying thru’ the air

cracking my sticks together

to open space & time

flying under electricity wires

feeling their heat & danger

over families on horses

thru’ the high trees

small leaved oaks

I am brujo!

& then I am awake

middle of a sand dust field

early morning spain

somewhere near Valencia

moves

fucker thinks

he has my motives

moves

down pat

& I have to

pull him up

short flat

please don’t do that

it demeans you

cheapens me

for you to think

I think like you

& when did I ever

give you permission?

& he’s off

a scalded rat

some bullshit rap

about misunderstanding

attempt at humour

ideas that I was attributing

motives to him

but I’m looking seeing

the fear in his eyes

fucker

got caught

wisdom of all time

I had no doubt

that she was clever

held the capacity

to be wise

just that somewhere

along the way

she had been told

taught

only women have the power

wisdom of all time

& there were others

who did not understand this

were on a different path

& me being a man

was one of those

while I could only

bide my time

wait for her to

get over herself

see the bigger picture

of which she like me

was only a part

stank

I could smell the fear on him

adrenal glands on overtime

watched his wide eyes scan

the world

for threats opportunities

saw them land on me

reminded me

of dogs on heat

smelling each other for miles

but this heat

came from an over active mind

guilt for sins committed

those yet to come

he lurched towards me

saw me adjust my stance

as I spoke into his eyes

not here

not now

you need to be elsewhere

he reacted turned away

went off to be elsewhere

was it my tone

the look in my eyes

or my own perfume?