I had words then

I might be broke

living in low rent

slow time sipping cheap wine

but I had words

& always

the ability to disappoint

oh I called this romance

creating future dreams

but when these

floated away in the air

there were unkind words

of liar storyteller

dark looks to kill

threats I had let them down

& I’d say look around

this is how I live

all I have to give

are these things

of words cheap wine

my romance

of better days to come

die in situ

I had me

some time there

these cities come up

on the TV

& I’m not listening

to the news reports

the presenter waffling on

I’m checking out

the background

scenes places

I know I’ve walked

so often alone

just wandering

picking up the smells

sights scenes

wondering how it would be

to live there

die in situ

when I knew nobody

had nowhere to live

just a passing through soul

experiencing

another what I could have been

there is

there was hope

at one point

there was hope

hope for balance

that life would even out

if this bad had happened

surely then later

karma

would bring balance

restore equilibrium

create happiness

but no

there is

no umpire

no referee

no higher court

no appeals

wishing luck in the next life

I filled in the forms

down at the foundry

but they turned me away

you’re too bright son

you’ll get bored & leave

& it seemed over & over

there was something lacking in me

I could sweep the streets

empty dustbins kill weeds

do the work required

but there was something

in me I did not have

& they’d let me go

wishing luck in the next life

off I’d go to the next line

fill in the forms do the job

last a day a week a month

then time would come

they’d breathe a sigh

say sorry son

time to go

& on

& on

wanted worship

oh she wanted everything given

on a one way street

praise adoration unbidden

due to being a goddess

everything due

and given time

I might’ve been

her acolyte

except I had not enough

gifts offerings donations

tithes to bestow

so she’d find others

with sacrifices to show

she was not a jealous god

where I was a venal

disciple

so I gave her away

for them with pleasure

to endow

wrong friends wrong girl

one of those times

you find out

something

you already knew

she said

I want to meet your friends

more people I’d known

next city over

sure they said

its been a while

come Friday night

we’ll go out eat dance

you know our style

sleep somewhere

we’ll make space

& we go over

she hates them the music

everything

but we drink some eat dance

go back to their place

talk a while

find a space to flop

sometime after three

she can’t help herself

stop

take me home take me home

& I say straight

I can’t do this still drunk

but after a while

the lights go on

they crowd in concerned

take her home man

she don’t want to stay

& I knew then clear

wrong friends

wrong girl

the only way

to make this stop

is drive drunk

for people who don’t care

anyway

clean

some scars

don’t ever heal

looking in the mirror

seeing the battles

that have been

tattoos do some work

the sun keeps others

clean

& others internal

hidden from the day

come out at night

to be refreshed

reseen

these will never heal

rather than true

tell the truth

they said

so I did

no not that one

tell us the one we like

then we will love you

how do you feel?

no not that one

tell us the one we like

then we will love you

have the courage

of your convictions

no not that those

tell us the ones we like

then we will love you

& then they wondered

why I felt crazy

in their world

telling them what they wanted

rather than true

black & white

the time I spent

away from you

working shirking

doing the things I did

to pay for what we needed

& like everything

when I was young

black & white

no shades in between

I missed you in each moment

aching for the end of day

coming home

to do the things

we loved to do

until day light came

& I’d have to go out

start over

again

Facing the Spanish sun

Facing the Spanish sun

conversation Spanish group

meeting every week there in the library

a group of nice ladies of a certain age

struggling with their Spanish

picked up from holidays on the costas coasts

or lines in phrase books dictionaries

I joined for a time if feeling out of place

talking of the backwoods villages

wandering out on the plains

& one sly old dog catching my eye

talking of songs sung crowds at the Futball

next week brought in a cd player lyrics

to which these nice people all sang along

to Cara Al Sol the song of the falange

Franco’s fascists

their marching song of the civil war

as trolling goes he won the day

but if anything I knew clear

I was in the wrong place

because these people knew nothing

of the place they so wanted to speak