nights

singing to the stars

looking out over the ocean

waiting for lightning to strike

bright up the sky

profound things to say

expounding to silence

no one to hold my hand

wait for me to cry over

genius spilt on the sand

whistling to the wind

knowing everyone must die

& until then

bored

bored again

no one to appreciate

nowhere to go

be received

no majesty

for this jester in the night

entertaining in low hill

I’d always drop by

if I was in your country

sometimes stopping over

kipping on the sofa

clogging up the bathroom

sometimes it’d be years

between visits

but still feeling like yesterday

come by you said on the phone

this time I have a surprise

& there he was: Charlie

Bowie fan now your husband

the joy of him in your face

we talked we drank

listened to his Bowie outtakes

as he struggled to work out

just who the fuck I was

taking your attention away

& too soon I was gone again

hearing over the wire

you divorced him in a year two

turned into just another prick

your father chasing him

down your streets hammer in hand

give him the abuse he gave out

more low hill entertainment

I’d never say I loved you the most

more that I loved you a longer time

as friends

I could not give you love

believe me I tried

had to walk away

from what you had going on

not that you were unkind

just that your life mine

could not find a way

be entwined

I saw your hurt face

the one I’d rather hide

turned mine away

picked up my stride

tho’ I had nowhere to go

I know you told people

I swear he has a Judy

somewhere tucked away

bitch there on the side

I found a cheap room

flopped down on the spot

picked myself up next day

a poor pay job by the hour

started over again slow

& it would be years before

we could talk once more

as friends

loved to pop his collar

slouch around

like he owned the place

strutting it to the ladies

like a dog on low

threatening drink his life away

tho’ I saw him wafting

through the crowd

waving his drinks

letting them know

he’d started early today

& being the kind of friend

listens in watches your show

I held an easy count

as my own flowed down

pulled him end of the night

hows it goin’ slick?

I’m good to go he said

been drinking since 11

hey it’s me don’t forget

I picked you up past 2

we had the first ones together

yeah yeah yeah y’know?

I’d had a stiffener before that

but now we both knew

his game popped collar

slouching low spreading shit

was just a game

to get him through

& we all know

there are others do worse

things

stuff

you never told me

tho’ I knew you for centuries

good & bad times

fire burning below

dry desert wastelands

for you to be gone

thinking of you dancing

under hot lights cold night

your mad man left behind

counting bricks all alone

I tried for you hope to find

some common ground

offer help support your absence

turned the man to stone

the things stuff

you never told me

ending in such a fast way

here today then gone

this time forever

that men have

keeping things in

is the problem

amongst many apparently

that men have

be more open she said

tell me about your feelings

so like a good boy I started in

I was having a bit of a er

bit of a lonely moment today

I started to say

and

do you need a drink?

came back at me

as I was saying before

Joan in the office is such a bitch

she sneaks around

like butter would not melt

is this a feelings talk?

I ask

or more a bit of a moan?

that’s the problem

with you men she says

you just don’t understand

emotions

tenaciously stupid

there with the presenting problem

in an early therapy group

the therapist working patient

drawing out the real issue

bringing design to a close

he was happy for a while

went about his life until

I found him a few years later

holding forth in another group

letting out the presenting problem

hinting at his other needs

as the therapist lanced this boil

brought the past into now

caught us right in the feels

& sure enough time goes by

I found him in another round

talking on the presenting problem

throwing out the weighted baited hook

this time the therapist caught it

passed it softly back with a smile

I think I caught your earlier rehearsal

remind me what is it you forget

to remember hold on to?

trap

some traps are easy

the great maw of steel

ringed with sharp teeth

others red lipstick

pearl whites poking through

& then the ones

that catch in the everyday

trying to understand

the why?

why do they

say do be like that

& there you are

hanging

on every word

trying to understand

& there you are

trapped in the best trap

because you don’t know

you’ve been caught

ball point Elvis

she liked strange people

which made me question

as to who I was for her

look she said biro ball point Elvis

& there on the wall 8 x 10

was a great picture of the man

drawn in different colour pens

it’s by XXXX he came around earlier

left me this on the side

while I was out

& oh!

she ran to her kitchen

he’s fucking robbed me!

taken my housekeeping

it’ll all be gone on drinking

he does this from time to time

how come you put up with the man?

I asked worried for her

look she said biro ball point Elvis

& there on the wall 8 x 10

was a great picture of the man

drawn in different colour pens

that’s why