singing to the stars
looking out over the ocean
waiting for lightning to strike
bright up the sky
profound things to say
expounding to silence
no one to hold my hand
wait for me to cry over
genius spilt on the sand
whistling to the wind
knowing everyone must die
& until then
bored
bored again
no one to appreciate
nowhere to go
be received
no majesty
for this jester in the night
I’d always drop by
if I was in your country
sometimes stopping over
kipping on the sofa
clogging up the bathroom
sometimes it’d be years
between visits
but still feeling like yesterday
come by you said on the phone
this time I have a surprise
& there he was: Charlie
Bowie fan now your husband
the joy of him in your face
we talked we drank
listened to his Bowie outtakes
as he struggled to work out
just who the fuck I was
taking your attention away
& too soon I was gone again
hearing over the wire
you divorced him in a year two
turned into just another prick
your father chasing him
down your streets hammer in hand
give him the abuse he gave out
more low hill entertainment
I’d never say I loved you the most
more that I loved you a longer time
I could not give you love
believe me I tried
had to walk away
from what you had going on
not that you were unkind
just that your life mine
could not find a way
be entwined
I saw your hurt face
the one I’d rather hide
turned mine away
picked up my stride
tho’ I had nowhere to go
I know you told people
I swear he has a Judy
somewhere tucked away
bitch there on the side
I found a cheap room
flopped down on the spot
picked myself up next day
a poor pay job by the hour
started over again slow
& it would be years before
we could talk once more
as friends
slouch around
like he owned the place
strutting it to the ladies
like a dog on low
threatening drink his life away
tho’ I saw him wafting
through the crowd
waving his drinks
letting them know
he’d started early today
& being the kind of friend
listens in watches your show
I held an easy count
as my own flowed down
pulled him end of the night
hows it goin’ slick?
I’m good to go he said
been drinking since 11
hey it’s me don’t forget
I picked you up past 2
we had the first ones together
yeah yeah yeah y’know?
I’d had a stiffener before that
but now we both knew
his game popped collar
slouching low spreading shit
was just a game
to get him through
& we all know
there are others do worse
stuff
you never told me
tho’ I knew you for centuries
good & bad times
fire burning below
dry desert wastelands
for you to be gone
thinking of you dancing
under hot lights cold night
your mad man left behind
counting bricks all alone
I tried for you hope to find
some common ground
offer help support your absence
turned the man to stone
the things stuff
you never told me
ending in such a fast way
here today then gone
this time forever
I gotta get me
a new cistern
crapper
I go in
do
what I gotta do
flush
& the damned thing
don’t flush clear
so I have to go back
flush the thing again
make sure it’s clean
the more astute
will understand
I’m really talking
dirty rotten
politics
here
keeping things in
is the problem
amongst many apparently
that men have
be more open she said
tell me about your feelings
so like a good boy I started in
I was having a bit of a er
bit of a lonely moment today
I started to say
and
do you need a drink?
came back at me
as I was saying before
Joan in the office is such a bitch
she sneaks around
like butter would not melt
is this a feelings talk?
I ask
or more a bit of a moan?
that’s the problem
with you men she says
you just don’t understand
emotions
there with the presenting problem
in an early therapy group
the therapist working patient
drawing out the real issue
bringing design to a close
he was happy for a while
went about his life until
I found him a few years later
holding forth in another group
letting out the presenting problem
hinting at his other needs
as the therapist lanced this boil
brought the past into now
caught us right in the feels
& sure enough time goes by
I found him in another round
talking on the presenting problem
throwing out the weighted baited hook
this time the therapist caught it
passed it softly back with a smile
I think I caught your earlier rehearsal
remind me what is it you forget
to remember hold on to?
some traps are easy
the great maw of steel
ringed with sharp teeth
others red lipstick
pearl whites poking through
& then the ones
that catch in the everyday
trying to understand
the why?
why do they
say do be like that
& there you are
hanging
on every word
trying to understand
& there you are
trapped in the best trap
because you don’t know
you’ve been caught
she liked strange people
which made me question
as to who I was for her
look she said biro ball point Elvis
& there on the wall 8 x 10
was a great picture of the man
drawn in different colour pens
it’s by XXXX he came around earlier
left me this on the side
while I was out
& oh!
she ran to her kitchen
he’s fucking robbed me!
taken my housekeeping
it’ll all be gone on drinking
he does this from time to time
how come you put up with the man?
I asked worried for her
look she said biro ball point Elvis
& there on the wall 8 x 10
was a great picture of the man
drawn in different colour pens
that’s why
neilbenbow 