the sorrows

they wanted me to tell them

how hard things had been

since you & me split

the sorrows

you put me through

& if I opened up I knew

they’d go straight round

go see you

& how you could all laugh

at my misfortunes

my sorrows

but all of that only made me

realise I would never be

as sad as you

risk averse

such a sweety

could not fail to fall

for those eyes & curves

but the mind hers & mine

got in between

any & all of that

she was risk averse

& me phone home

am always risk prone

take her to the country

dirt roads muddy unkind

the beach was unswept

the sea had dangers unseen

in the city were horrors

around every corner

I left her one night

coddled in her blankets

walked back alone

living with the night crawlers

hiding from the street lights

spidey senses tingling

yeah I was amongst mine

creatures of shadows & living

unafraid for a life misunderstood

side street parade

these boys she’d introduce

come to dinner

we’re having a party

& the odd one’d be a looker

another had interesting things

to report retort try to say

he’d learned along the way

& I’d see her looking over

listening in to my boredom

these kept inside cats

purring for her love

I knew she’d soon take away

there was always another lover

she was bright flighty clever


none of these

something moving

if I stop paying attention

get caught by

the news on tv

pulp magazines

adverts for nothing I need

I feel something moving

across my mind


just a sense ill ease

something wrong

& I have to reset refocus

take a deep breath

clean my thinking

go out again find fresh air

see the world as it really is

not this pit of despair

of rotted pictures

corrupted images

forcing my attitudes mind

onto wrong roads

towards decline

this moving on

I was gone

moving on

from that place we worked

for so many years

where she did too

I have never been back

being there before her

she stayed there

after I’d moved on

never kept in touch

with those people

I spent all those years with

& they never came to find

after she’d ripped me

totally apart

maybe just maybe

she lied to them too

kept them in the dark

killed me off

so they never wanted

to speak again

one of the few

I went to visit

one of the few last times

before he was gone

we had a drink in his local

where he swore he never went

tho’ they knew him by name

& on the second

mebbe the third drink

acknowledging one of us

had become a better man

I raised my glass


biggest favour I ever did you

was doing my growing up years

far away from here

& he smiled

took a second maybe to think

he’d thought he’d got rid of me

in those years

then tapped his glass against mine

& smiled

for a man of few words

I knew he was doing the best

he can

the call comes

can you help out? I got a situation

sure I say I got a shovel big plastic wrap

know a good spot up in the woods

no! he snaps don’t be a fool!

y’know yer man does the leatherwork?

your best mate? you put me on to?

well he’s not come through

took my money & not made my wallet

can you help out?

I’m not much good with hides I say

though I have given it my awl….

ffs! I’m serious been a couple of months

& all he does is say not ready yet

just how do you think I can help?

can you talk to him give him a hurry along?

& this is serious now more profound

than a shovel plastic wrap long night in the woods

getting involved between people over shit

ok ok I’ll see what I can do but before that

you are a grown-up who should know

not to give money up front to a broke person

you only pay when the job is done capiche?

yeah yeah he says & of the kind of people

who never change their ways

this is only one

be careful around so n so

any organisation I ever worked for

got paid to turn up to

would try to kill me with the bullshit

oh the job would be ok

the actual nuts & bolts of the work

but man the politix around that

was always a kick in the balls

numbing punches to the head

certain people couldn’t do certain things

& the rest of us had to pick up the slack

carry that resentful weight

be careful around so n so

don’t talk about this mention these things

the endless pulls to send others to Coventry

people I could see had done nothing wrong

the campaigns to lose people their jobs

back biting hate spite petty jealousies

until I’d be the loner the island

understanding they were so bored

with themselves their own lives

seeking status outside of themselves

those building blocks of insecurities

oh he thinks he’s better than us

& yeah I am by keeping out of this

I just wasn’t built your way

passing by

his yellow sandstone house

there on the sea shore

& I swear I saw

a great grey burro head

as in bill shakespeares

mid summers nights dream

go by the leaded window

& I wanted to knock soft

there on the door

to be invited in

but I was hungry then

would have eaten for three

drunk anything to be drunk

& still have needed more

& in later times he told me

I was always welcome

if passing by to knock

there was always time for me

& tho’ I felt him to be genuine

I knew for certain

he would never pass by

knock on my door

because he was not hungry

or thirsty for anything from me

I guess

I got one of those faces

or just maybe that I listen

Ger’ was telling me of his priest

his relationship with

when he was twelve thirteen

how the father would allow him privileges

one being to inject the man with insulin

& I thought my ears were playing up

but no Ger’ repeated it

this feels abusive I tell him

oh no says Ger’ it was a privilege

I was serving helping the priest

& that I didn’t understand

he was right of course

I guess I got one of those faces

ways of seeing things

where I am the one

always wrong