yeah yeah yeahs

He’s here again
telling about her
how she wants him to change
his ways
looks
being
& he’s not complaining
about her ways
looks
being
which is a pity
cos I’ve got treasure there
& I’d join in
give it all I’ve got
once you’ve reached that place
in your relationship
its either shit
or get off the pot
if you have any self respect
that is
but I suspect
he’ll drift back to her
give her some yeah yeah yeahs
& be back here in a month, two
clogging up my day
so I’ll give him some yeah yeah yeahs
make it look like sympathy
& try not to identify with her

Between the wars

Man
they droned on
about their war
as we ran around
shooting down Messerschmitts
spads
fokkers
with our spitfires
as they spoke in love
of times before the war
between the wars
the Great war & 2nd
we’d borrow their words
hande hoche fritz
schnell!
to play our own wars
games of running around
play dead
& now we have no
between the wars
these now bleed into one another
& kids don’t want to play
games
of weapons of mass destruction
& our old soldiers
Men
feel no glory
in hard fought battles
won for political gains
for there is none

doldrum

I wrote for a band for a while
vocalised my poems
to a steady background
of loud guitars
discordant sounds
it was great to be out there
giving words
the band never heard a lyric
though they got tattoos
which reflected ideas given out
then other people got invited in
this is george
he’s a tambourine man
& rosie who also writes
the band began to meet
on days I couldn’t do
another gig came to end
sometimes rejection slips
seem like love letters

Dog roses caught me early

romance comes easy to young men
we confuse it
with the wooing
searching for sex
& that in itself
is restless
in dark winter
bars, alleyways were my boudoir
& summer
straw yellow grass
pale pinks of dog roses
viewed my endeavors
the simplicity of form
ability to thrive
in the poorest of circumstance
struck a chord
there was one I rejected
days before her wedding
came to show
her designer wedding dress
dog roses as the theme
another
who asked full earnest
did I know the why of her
love of dog roses?
in these moments
all I can do
is sigh
& say
did you know
that I love them too?

Working with fags

worked with
alongside
plenty of fags
yeah I know
we’re supposed to say gays
& the ones I loved most
were the ones
who gave it right back
they’d say
we know
you are a faggot Ben
our gaydar
tells us so
& occasionally
they’d put their hand in deep
I’d laugh
they’d laugh
& I’d tell ‘em to fuck off
& say this was no way
to get me
sucking dick
a few I got close to
beers together friends
I helped one move house
& we’re driving along
when he catcalls this young fella
look at the sweet ass on her
Woah I say
you don’t get me shouting out
to the fine young girls
Ben he trills
call away baby
do your thing
him I loved most
cat
didn’t give a shit
knew how to live
his life
his rules

Live & let Di

Aloof
quietly doing her thing
beautiful
I remember her well
in a bright blue summer dress
sitting taking notes
chipping in now & then
with good ideas
then
at the end
putting her notebook
in her bag & gone
liking what I saw
of course I suggested a coffee
later we went to a party
stayed until 2
& back to mine
spent a few hours
enjoying each other
as young people do
to sleep
wake up in horror
sheets shades of red
pink hues
our sex started her period
she ran away
& we never spoke of this again
we met again
she was still quietly aloof
seemed kind of happy
to be with me
went to another party with friends
sat talking
talking
being just there
& I noticed she was gone
got up looked around
& there in the hallway
her
her & this guy malc kissing
malc was of course there
with his long term live in girl
he looked at me
winked
kept kissing
touching her
here
there
I turned
walked away
suddenly everything made sense
& I never saw her again

Forgive

if you can
my dreams
I know you feel the call
of your fireside
while I wait by my roadside
to travel once more
you could only take me so far
as home fills your days
& then to wait
my return again
it was not that I did not love you
I could not stay beside you
when the leaves grow green
a bright sun will warm
my bones
a thousand years
miles away
I will carry you with me
feel the weight on my back
as the sun goes down
on another day away
if I do not hurry
it is because I know
you are there
& tho’ I want to be with you
my life
will always be further

Learning to unhate

what hurts most
is that you know them
full well
when you first meet them
the wasters
leaners
promisers
the
sure, I can do this
no problem
a day maybe two
kind of people
& then they bleed on
into weeks of
unanswered calls
sorry I was out
too busy
faffy nonsense responses
until you snap
make demands
bring the whole sorry mess
to an end
somehow
all of this is down to you
your fault
& yes
you knew
from the start
this was how this
was going to be
& you wonder
are we that powerful
that we
can
create this?
or are we just too lazy
to say
no
at the outset?

Fifteen hundred miles

hardly a word spoken
in my mother tongue
just me & birds of prey
intently
watching the road
good coffee
bad coffee
is just a place to stop
engage
a drink & a pee
then back out again
aware that very probably
I stink
more than I normally do
learning again
distance reduces issues
do I really want
to be going where I am going
will they want me there
when I arrive
or must I change destinations?
& after a while
you find your own company
the you
that exists
out of any constraints
of others
company
social constructs
the you that others
don’t get to see
& you make friends again
see how you’ve changed
by being in a group
& you notice too
how this changes
when a stranger
greets with a smile
a good natural hello
how it lifts the day
& you remember again
what it is
about your loved ones
you are missing most