biter bit

I knew it was time to leave

one night when she was out

I felt I needed

to put a key logger

on our computer

to find

she’d already put one on

to get evidence on me

the biter got bit

I knew it was time to leave

cleared my crap off’f the hard drive

called a friend to help

moved my shit out

surfed a sofa or two

for a week two

until I could begin

rebuild again

so like a fool

turn right here she goes

no no I protest its further down

turn right she says again

with such surety I turn right

and

we’re lost

again

I have to turn around go back

back to where we started

drive further down

oh why do you listen to me?

she asks all broken up to be wrong

you have this certainty I say

your way is the only way to be

I had to fight my sister every day

she says now all mournful

who would fight black was white

the sky was grey & she was loved more

so like a fool

I listened & forgot to not listen

to her instructions

until the next time

floating

I was floating

just doing my thing

not taking too much too serious

letting anything that happened

happen

& I took that wave

as far as I could

not that these unfreaks understood

they were fighting each for scraps

morsels

stepping over each other

drawing lines drawn redrawn

over in the sand

& they called me feckless

reckless irresponsible

yet now

I look over their castles

still not getting it

because I can reach out

crumble them in my hands

should I ever feel the need

never broke one day of sweat

I don’t hate these guys

far worse than that

I despise them

running to their mummies

oh so prissy wives

the man said’ed a bad word

save me save me please

these simps

never broke one day of sweat

of their hissy fit lives

lived bread & cheese

until pay day came round

worried about dying cars

gas for the bike to get to work

wanting life to be all flowers

& pretty pretty things

while us lesser mortals

know truth

taken on pre-owned

people you know

don’t know

I never really knew him

‘til one year into his recovery

had not realized how drunk he was

zoned out into the narcotics

& her I was with for two years

six months building that

eighteen months to get out

disentangle myself

sort out which

were my behaviours

which I’d taken on pre-owned

the silences happy times

she had

now labelled bi-polar

manic depression

like so many things

you need to know

you never find out about

until your time comes

again again

which was unexpected

there was no quiet

out there in the desert

miles from anywhere

dirt tracking stony ground

& all we had were

a couple of thrift store blankets

a six pack some crackers

a low fire to keep warm

& a bottle in case that went out

each other to hold onto

as the stars wheeled overhead

inching towards the cold dawn

& if I have a heartbeat

you ever wanted to

I’ll do all of that again

again

addlestrop

pearls before swine on the watercress line

old carriage heritage steam train

hints of brown faded blues

waiting in the railway siding

one hot afternoon

sitting waiting

hearing the hiss of steam

the birds singing outside

thinking of Addlestrop the poem

by Edward Thomas

with The Lark Ascending by Vaughan Williams

read by Geoffrey Palmer

searched found this on my ‘phone

this poem from 1917 the war years

played it in the silence of the hour

the piece came to an end

they’d never heard it before

had no place inside to hear the beauty

no feeling for its grace

I put my phone away

as the whistle blew

the train departed the station

leaving the moment discarded

as pearls before swine

on the watercress line

a fren’ of a fren’ tole me

the playground never goes away

a fren’ of a fren’ tole me

he does x on the weekends

gets drunk all the time

kicks the cat when he’s down

the neighbour four doors along

heard from her neighbour

she goes out dressed like x

all the time

gets home drunk early hours

falls out the cab with strange men

& her

& him

& on

with the gossip asinine accusations

behind hands closed doors minds

the playground battles go on

fighting for ascendancy

of your own little square patch

of nothing

no evidence no crime

whispers tittle tattle to tell teachers

help you think

you are one better than