got asked

to look at the poetry of XX

& I looked open hearted

or at least with the attempt of

worse they asked for my opinion

& I tried or at least I think I did

it is very nice I offered

but of course like always

they wanted more

it is very nice for that kind of thing

trying to play soft & pleasant

tell us how you really feel they said

so I took a deep breath thinking

knowing they won’t be asking again

this is a clever guy who went to college

to be taught how the poesy works

never had a bar fight over nothin’

got kicked to the kerb by his girl

cried alone in the night

broke hungry desperate

for the touch of another

frightened for his next meal

or in love with writing his truth

& saw the look on their faces

which meant

I’d gone too far for their ears

but hey

I got asked

cowards I tell ya

we are all cowards

from the off

the starting line

wanting to put down

will tell you straight

our souls

deepest feelings

& end up half hearted

afraid to write the whole truth

for censorship cowardice

of our selves

so we write out a whine

that is as close

to our truths

as a supermarket list

to what we eventually bring home

got to leave it

just let this be

not something I believe in

not sure I ever did

but they say they do

holding on tight for dear life

night after night

& if I had that strength

maybe I would too

but you know in the small hours

when their defences fail

demons have stirred the strong cup

their belief starts to straining

web thin as the veil

separating truth from fiction

low water in the well

long chain to pail

where everybody is thirsty

& all that belief is nothing but

needing something to hold onto

hoping

this will do

Salamanca

the last time I was here

I was younger brighter faster

like a tigger on heat

for you

becoming eeyore

as your truth shone through

I knew nothing of alcoholism then

though I loved to drink

becoming sadder

finding your empty bottles

your emptiness

where none of the history

the heat the light

meant nothing to your madness

need for the next glass

& all I became to you

was a means

money when you needed it

holder of booze as necessary

propping you up

support for your ends

only

into oblivion

quotes

they need quotes

prompts for the day

aphorisms on cards

need ideas to be given

told the truth moment by moment

as thinking is much too hard

need need need love

to fill the holes

that emptiness

that comes from the eyes

always looking out

never sourcing from within

& if you are not one of these

they puzzle at you fierce

place the cross hairs over the nose

not one of our kind

keep the doors closed

whistling

kill him quick

tell me he said

I really wanna know

how come you

& those women

get on so well?

& I wanted to tell him straight

but knew if I explained easy

he wouldn’t believe

get it at all

so I poured him a drink

looked him straight in the eye

ok ok but first

why are we friends?

he had to think for a while

so I poured him another

well he began slow

you don’t bullshit me

you’re not scared to tell me the truth

& don’t seem to care if I don’t like that

& how are you

with those women?

I asked all quiet slow

well I want them

but can’t get close to them

can’t afford them but do try

they say they like me but nothing happens

& you?

oh I like some of them

I just don’t want them or need them

I poured him another

you don’t need them? want them?

he seemed puzzled by that

but you get on so well

yep I said

& sighed

pouring myself another

this was going to be a long night

to start loving

under a big bright blue sky

I told you I had to go

could not stay

& you said

you were just about

to start loving me

but hey

follow the sun

fill up your heart

just don’t let a bitter thing

like a late flowering love

get in your way

sometimes words are not enough

I tried I felt

maybe you did deserve more

though

we could not even make it as friends

but hey

don’t let truth

get in your way

speakable unpleasantries

my mind is that way made

I see things either as they are

or off to the side as you

can spy the truth of it

quicker than others do

& worse I say this out loud

which I never quite understood

was verboten never done

seeing the way people were

seemed that doing bad things was ok

but not the saying of half hidden truths

& somehow I was the bad guy for this

while the rotten actors got away

to perform over & over again

the same in politics entertainment

as in life

bedazzled

out in the desert

she took my sunglasses

leaned right over

lifted them right off my face

I want to see your eyes

when I’m talking to you

make sure you tell me the truth

& bedazzled as I was by her

I was missing the clue

one of us was not being straight

so I squinted in the sun

as she talked on

getting a headache

was it from her

from deception

or was it the sun?

talk to me

all you do is talk!

she was shouting again

I’d complained

she’d not said a word in hours

I’m happy to sit watch the world

go by the window she says

where you want to talk about it

explore the picture

search for the truth beyond the glass

later stop & sit hear the different world

talk about what we’ve seen done

what this all means to you me

& I refuse to tell you all of that

because I don’t know

how I feel or what it means