out there

sitting on the porch

of a once great motel

my own little patch of history

of motor court travelling

coke & ice machines on the corner

tho’ only the ice is working now

looking out at the night coming in

waiting for the neon to flicker

the clouds getting darker

the dying sun lighting their undersides

are you coming in? she calls

& all I’ve got in there is tv

maybe some loving later on

here I have everything I need

history nostalgia culture

a few cold beers in dripping free ice

thinking on of who else has sat here

wondering where what

tomorrow

the miles will bring

fuzzy wool blankets

wandering just wandering

where whatever wanting

what was happening

just around the next corner

the next corner

those teen years

waiting for something to do

wrapped up in numb

forever told

you are between things

kid times hard times adulthood

wanting something anything

to sharpen up the day

times in your bed

your legs wrapped around me

warm fuzz of excitement

most times I couldn’t breathe

& then you were gone

taking the heat blankets undone

stuck working the nine to five

caught in the half-asleep crowd

then the numb came back

cocooned me for a year or two

hoping for luck the come up

how could I find you

if I couldn’t find me?

not particularly painful

if unwanted uninvited

something as simple as

slipping into a Sunday afternoon bath

Badedas green water & bubbles

novel fat towel to the side

good glass of Corbiere

heat hot up to my shoulders

easing the tension held there

& then a memory bursts through

I’m two years old

smallest kid in the boys dorm

at the children’s home

& last to go in the bath

that grey going on black puddle

flat reflecting strip light overhead

the nurse forceful & harsh

don’t be a baby get in in!

the water was cool

I’d jump in splash a bit jump out

standing on cold lino’ to dry

on the already used damp thin towel

not a particularly painful memory

but one that surprises in being

unlocked not retrieved for so many years

as I lie cocooned by this hot bath

wondering

why now to deliver this?