hints & signs

how many clues

not breadcrumbs

or footprints in the sand

did I leave

for past lovers to find

chalk carved in trees

hints & signs

to acknowledge

we had been here

when it mattered

to us both

only for time

to wash away

these predispositions

these predispositions

inherited

from those who made me

black traits of darkness

from the old man

that I only truly escaped from

by recognising how like him I was

then differentiating what was truly mine

beginning the process after that learning

the runaway gene

from her I never knew

met just a few times in passing

knowing nothing of her or her kith & kin

but seeing in faded photographs likeness

these predispositions

I hope will wash out

lose their lustre over time

in those who will follow after me

become but dwindling characteristics

fainter memories of a broken line

of a time

& people gone before

The man calls

The man calls

& calls leaving messages

funny vids scary things

outright outrageous stuff

text after text after text

& I know full well

that if I respond

the ping pong match is on

for an hour or so

all that eagerness is off putting

the need boiling off’f him

in waves of desperation boredom

like stink from a pig

feed me feed me please

invading space

minds thoughts time

& when I finally crack

pass back some terse

one line message

he me us the world

has nothing new to say

or offer

loosing

loosing his sight

he writes

& I dare not contradict the spelling

& this one with parkinsons

can’t write

forgets our conversations

between calls visits

& somewhere

along our time together

I forgot

to not care

now I’m caught by these things

hooked tight by my own line

knowing nothing can be done

no wishes hopes miracles

burnt candles in the night

will change a damned thing

& all I can

must do

is stand mute

witness

draw in

looking

hoping to find

pieces of the jigsaw

make the complete picture

a corner from you

bits of skyline from her

base lines from them

as the puzzle got more complex

fuzzy in details

taking time to realize

all I needed was time

patience with myself

mebbe bright coloured pens

draw in the bits

I could not yet

bring to mind

screaming my name

is this love?

killing me everyday

she runs away

running back again

tales of other men

dead love

in alleyways

screaming my name

from the pavement

to tell everybody

what a shit I am

a waste of her time

her dead end street

holding the rage

when I hear her name

fists clenched

teeth biting

even in sleep

where once ruled roses

run wreaths shrouds

heavy tolling bells

ashes knee deep

they love you when they love you

I was her bass player

a little vignette

dancing queen from Abba

while she riffed on Springsteen

my home town

time that changes

no longer how her life goes

like when she was a child

in her daddy’s arms

I played the bass

as she explained her losses

the hurts that bind to sorrow

losing her way to find a home

hinting yet not exploring

how she had failed to grow

& after the gig

I picked up my bass amp & leads

made my way to the underground

never to hear from her ever again

understanding lovers

they love you when they love you

your back beat makes the sound

but forget so easy

when you’re not around

voice on the radio

driving to the store

thinking of nothing

maybe chips dips

the kind you find everywhere

& your voice came on the radio

though it could not be you

this being another time place

different country

& if I thought I was over you

the tones coming into my car

made me change that understanding

brought you closer in

stabbed me hard in the feels

even if I would not want you here

want you back again