this is the paradise to come

we were not lost

driving in the sun

windows down aircon gone

saw stone pillars edge of an estate

fighting bulls one per field

black in a golden haze

staring at the new thing

us

until we were gone

& somewhere overhead an eagle

hearing the skreeeeee high lonely

no clouds today not one

blue as far as the eye

distant mountains fuzzed

by the distance to come

where are we? are we lost?

you asked

who cares? I said

this is the paradise to come

village idiot

sitting in the sun

swapping stories telling tales

stupid things we’d done

I used to love to listen

used to love the man

but now he sends me silly shit

pointing out the village idiot

other low hanging fruit

expecting praise some applause

& I try to explain

we found our own yuk yuks

had ideas thoughts to explore

I find this stuff boring just inane

low hanging fruit is too easy eh?

he gets in a huff tells me I’ve changed

maybe he’s right mebbe he’s wrong

& mebbe the village idiot

had something to offer all along

when she left

how many lines times

have I started in just like that

tho’ now I can’t remember the pain

only

that I had it real bad

going on for end of living please

out way beyond sad

drinking in the morning

hoping to not feel the afternoons

start in again on nights

until each day the pain eased

not so much to notice

just the aching seemed to pass

began picking myself up

going out to face the day

hoping not to meet anybody who’d talk

the bruises might not show

there just under the surface

& then one time the sun caught my eyes

like as not to cry

but I felt something that knew

give it time

I could turn this into a low smile

begin living again

swallowed the hook

I swallowed the hook clean

& if I can plead self defence

knowing I would get nowhere

if I hadn’t made that so

but now I’ve pulled out the line

while the hook is choking me

& the line of once friends

is getting thinner as we go

but there can be no other way

if I want to finally be free

stand up in the sun feel the breeze

nothing pulling anchoring me

if I can say I’m sorry

for offering other peoples lies

but now I’m trying to not be the puppet

dangling hanging twisted caught

in those rotten degraded

hidden lines

barometer

it’s a useful way

of knowing how the weather is

when they call out

close the door!

when you pee first thing in the morning

because you make such a racket

useful as a barometer in the hallway

watching your grandfather bend over slow

to tap couple of times

say looks like rain

indicating stormy weather to come

like you don’t hear her pad around

middle of the night

wander in there

piss like a cow on a flat rock

make that half-hearted ffft fart

pad slow back again

but no its you now

with the bad habits

incoming rain

where there used to be sun

revelations

I took my white handled athame

down to the beach start of the day

& as the sun caught tip of the waves

I threw it & the last I had of you in

I’d returned the photos records

books clothes intimates of will

but for my last precious part of you

tied to my athame flung far as I could

& as I saw it arc then sink into the sea

I chanted a spell cutting the cord

that bound you to me me to you

the ocean took all of that in away

our bond was cut now not to be again

I sat on a sun burnt bench for a while

watching waiting whether for hope or fail

in case the tide brought us back again

& then for a brief moment bare waving arms

of dead sailors accepting my gift with wishes

it was then I knew the hex had taken hold

walked away with words echoing my head

I’m going to miss that pearl white handle

my faithful athame in my hand my heart

over & over now never helping spells

incantations rituals until I will get old

on the train

trying to shift my head

out of the dawn sun

slicing through the glass

as they witter on on on

& he said so I said

she said so I turned to her

& said what about…?

the struggles of the working poor

trying to make sense

out of the everyday

striving for jesus make the day

to knock soft on heavens door

hope for a place at the table

home for those worn out feet

& I would love them more

if there was a bottle between us

something to take

the edge off away

help me get into the zone

prepare me lord

help me earn my pay

you gone

days when the sun came

& I could not raise myself

see it anyhow

living with life dead lovers

she told me she loved me

but all that meant was

she didn’t want

to see me go

living in silence

waiting for the rain to come

to change the scene

wanting for something

to happen along

create a spark

a blue low hum

better feelings to rise

& you can convince you

all days are much the same

but there comes one

where light comes into eyes

the door opens

& baby

you gone

needed a guy

drive the truck

be around for the nurses

late night needle exchange

dark parts downtown

swapping out

needles swabs syringes

sterile water cotton balls

no questions

on the one for one

tho’ you suspect the man

is getting guns for his buying crew

help the supply line along

& I was fine

finding spots away from the blue

places for the queue to be

got to hand out the condoms

a thin plastic dam or two

paper for rehabs

phone lines places to go to

& I had to leave

my time had come

the night the voice called

hey there Ben is that you?

& we hugged like old friends

the man who’d slung shit

back in the day to my girl

the one I’d left

when she couldn’t make a day

get through without a haze

see me standing clear

in the sun

wanting to pull her through