day dreaming Pamplona

up at dawn

swinging legs out of bed onto old cold lino

pulling socks shorts t shirt runners

heading out into half light across the grass

then onto the concrete promenade

all the way to the end back other end

sucking up cool sea air & salt

back to my cheap rented room

no real thoughts just huffing puffing

to get fit run in the streets of Pamplona

trying to find somebody to go with

but here I was living low saving pennies

reading text books writing essays

an old dented blue smoke car to go

I was scary then to the girls I met

no package holiday just hit the road

find somewhere to camp stay on the way

living on bread cheese cheap wine

walking the streets was enough strange

a body could ever want to see

those days I thought offering experiences

was enough

when they wanted comfort to stay

so many ways

there were all kinds of crazy

living in the hotel cheap week rates

near to the seafront beach

& I’d run that every morning

something to do try to change my ways

she’d come round every afternoon

floral tea cup held out y’got anything to drink?

& I told her every time I wasn’t drinking today

but she never believed kept knocking

the thin gay boy who wanted to suck my cock

who too didn’t believe when I said I was not inclined

& the fateful night

coming in late from night school

her door was open come in! come in!

I’ve had a windfall

the crazies all there sipping from bottles

I sat for a while dozing under a yellow lamp

as the crazies drifted away one by one

she droned on about past loves

big money scores to come

& around two I woke to a head between my legs

warm fuzzy feelings I’d forgot I could have

waking in the morning thinking time to run

in so many ways

screaming my name

is this love?

killing me everyday

she runs away

running back again

tales of other men

dead love

in alleyways

screaming my name

from the pavement

to tell everybody

what a shit I am

a waste of her time

her dead end street

holding the rage

when I hear her name

fists clenched

teeth biting

even in sleep

where once ruled roses

run wreaths shrouds

heavy tolling bells

ashes knee deep

forced to home

the urge to run

was always

always

there

problem being

I had no place

ideas of where to run to

it seemed every time I turned

each corner held another beast

more unkind eyes & ways

everybody wanted something

with nothing to live for

where I wanted nothing

had something to give

& this need to run to peace

somewhere to sit for a while

catch my breath

find my own thoughts

kept escaping me

as my feet

were forced to home

just a random bunch of fellas

holding a run

seems to be just that

just a random bunch of fellas

clattering down the road

hogging the lines

more noise than impetus

no understanding of any organisation

the road captain laying out a route

plotting stops for gas

food & replenishment of supplies

friendly faces for emergencies

accidents or worse

the sergeant at arms weeks leading up

ensuring everybody’s bikes

are fit to ride

the riders are fit to go

the treasurer has made sure

there are enough funds for bail

breakdowns beer & emergencies

& each rider has cleared their days

of work old ladies responsibilities

hangovers

made sure they have enough

of whatever it is they need to get there

get back & enjoy the days to be

just a random bunch of fellas

clattering down the road

yesterdays drum

Oh god not this again

he wants to sit & reflect

on the wisdom of age

the benefits of thinking rather than doing

without listing the not be able to’s

run a straight line at speed

fuck three or four times a night

& want more

see the horizon clear

not focussing on blind spots to the sides

be awake at 3 a.m.

& not be bothered by this

drink & drink & eat whatever is in front

laughing throughout the evenings

no concerns on the morrow to come

oh yeah

deliver me from reflections such as this

I’d rather still be banging

on yesterdays drum