not six

not six anymore

can’t tell aunt C to shut up

stop talking while she eats

not eight anymore

punching my men friends

to show that I care

has come to an end

not fourteen anymore

getting turned on

feeling the rush

from a glimpse of thigh

has gone

not twenty anymore

can’t do the sex thing

& then leave

those bad manners

got left at the earlier door

I’m not young anymore

the excuses the reasons

alibis

got changed along the way

with the expectation

of respect for others

even if that does not come back

we’re not children anymore

walk away

if it doesn’t serve you

walk away

you brought a knife to a gun fight

walk away

you sense an agenda you know nothing of

walk away

before it kills you whatever ‘it’ is

walk away

if there is no respect

walk away

from no love

walk away

if it costs you more than it costs them

walk away

if they don’t acknowledge your existence

walk away

when you feel the rage building

walk away

when you feel less in their presence

walk away

if they say I love you but I’m not in love with you

walk away

if the time has come for more distance between you

walk away

good friends

Finding good friends
is never easy
those who will say no
for good reasons
not their own
will call you out
when that is needed
not for a dud day
mine told me I should take
six months off’f the women
I’d been failing at that
for some long time
a string of married women
one after the other
who loved to be with me
I called them doves
being
beautiful
white
well fed
as they
always returned home
my friend spoke with respect
it was hard to hear the call
but I did
refusing encounters became
my thing
reading
writing
walking
& thinking
gave me time
reflection on
the distance
between who I had become
where I’d started from
not gonna tack a happy ending
on here
but there was one