but hope

I walked everywhere then

in that easy gift of youth

good feet strong legs

the courage to wander

with nothing in my pockets

but hope

a smile on my face

a willing for something good to happen

creating its own confidence

to strut the streets

able to deal with whatever occurred

there in the day

where now

we must plan have destinations

contingencies resources

which only limit the possibilities

to anything might keep me

couple of years gone by

doing something else

taking trash to the kerb

washing dishes

thinking of nothing

& my thoughts turned

to you

it’d been a long while

since I’d allow myself

to think around you

when you went

I felt my world would end

nothing worth going on

but I did

I held on

to anything might keep me

afloat breathing living

living

breathing

& I finished those chores

gave a silent wish you well

to wherever whatever

you are now

give it a couple years more

& I might forgive you too

loosing

loosing his sight

he writes

& I dare not contradict the spelling

& this one with parkinsons

can’t write

forgets our conversations

between calls visits

& somewhere

along our time together

I forgot

to not care

now I’m caught by these things

hooked tight by my own line

knowing nothing can be done

no wishes hopes miracles

burnt candles in the night

will change a damned thing

& all I can

must do

is stand mute

witness

who?

had I become

shrouded in memories

haunted by the you’s

of sordid histories

chances taken

squandered

openings disregarded

wilfully missed

to sit here alone

in an old coat

pockets with holes

bare table but for a bottle

sipping on something

to make that last

knowing nothing

ever does

but the eternal of

why?

what?

when?

joined now by

whatever

within the orbit

I could hear the train

rattling in the distance

the rain landing on trees

the roof & the road

cars hissing by hitting puddles

splashing back again

& nothing

plenty of that

more than enough to go round

lasting for days weeks months

enough to push me

into wanting to leave

where those left behind

were content to be born

live & die within the orbit

of sound of that distant train

to see me as the black sheep

jumping the hedge

escaping the fold

at a loss to understand

why something more

was needed than that big pot

of nothing

in the dark

nights we sat

pouring from a cheap bottle

judging depth by finger

talking slow

about nothing

but a brighter tomorrow

where we’d have coin

for the meters

better food booze

place to live

hoping against hope

we were worth better

than this

& then you left

with someone new

who could give you more

& then I sat alone

in the dark

for a while longer

though I had coin

for the meters

better booze food

place to live

not enough

we sat in the cold

having nowhere to go

listening on the radio

or if we had money

for batteries

a tape recorder

playing Alice

Led Zep the Floyd

& Jethro Tull

because we knew

how it feels

to be thick as a brick

shut out of the parties

unwelcome at home

our feet worn at the heel

wanting something

anything to come take us away

this cold pretence of real

& now he has forgotten

all of those days

telling stories of love happiness

no days of worn coats

nothing to do

but sitting on benches

with nowhere to go do

& whatever we had

was not enough

to last in his feels

the sickness

when the sickness takes hold

bites to the bone

there was nothing I would not do

to keep you close

nights wondering where you were

but knowing deep down

& it don’t help to know

right now I was the clown

I’d sworn never to be

seeing others torn into two

wanting to keep on this half life

half love forever chained

to somebody who doesn’t love you

in the way they swore to be

& it don’t help to know

you know how this will end

being foolish is little different

from being the fool

who doesn’t know what is coming

tomorrow the next bend

this sickness will drive you to