in but not in

we were out

out on a Saturday night

out but not out out

as in going for the long song

sitting with a crowd

of which I knew one possibly two

they were bantering

throwing jibes half hurts

taking everything in their stride

while I slowly got up to speed

throwing in a soft jab

as they turned to look at me

this new player wanting in

& I could see clear once again

I did not fit with these people

all dressed up make up slap on

ready to go long haul out out

brunch late Sunday morning

I was the new kid in school

in but not in

always would be

observer

never player onside

watch out for nomads

loneliness has a stink

that’s the way

it seemed to me

walking the streets of a new town

trying to find a place to be

faces turned away

not like a new kid

in a new school

everybody wanting a piece

hear the new kid story

somebody who’d broke free

adults have the warning built in

beware of strangers

don’t take the open hand

watch out for nomads

they come to steal

thieve your women

take your land

indies

I was the new kid on the block

went over to talk make some hello’s

they were on the corner talking low of music

& I asked who they were into

& he launched into some idiot list

bands I could never have heard of

another long list of local bar bands

indie groups who never make the score

& I had to look around check my reflection

yep, we were grown up hairy ass men

I thanked him kindly for the comprehensive list

made my excuses & left

this was going to be one of those jobs

where the in crowd hate the new crowd

& the work feels like eternity because

some kid never got loved enough at school

has to recreate the playground here