so what

somewhere around four

the booze crowd had slowed

gone on to other better parties

or fallen asleep drinks in hand

we were rolling papers

talking of a better world to come

& Miles came on

somebody said something

sounded soft to say

this cat can blow

& my head opened

could feel

what the man was putting down

there was pain there in a call to love

some simple lust mixed with raw sex

the right kind dirty no law rules

beyond fucking into the right stuff

where looking at yourself mirror morning

hurts deep into blushing chest

which I felt now as loss

that I did not know

such a woman

who could kill me

like this

as ever

ambling along the street

seeing a shape reminded me

of another in the way

caught by the love I’d lost

& the love I was currently with

full of lament & of lust

for the gone to come

nostalgic yet prophetic

not that if I saw her gliding by

I’d let your hand hang

down by your side

to go grab what once was

more a wanting wistful

for what can no longer be had

the sooner gone

the sweeter the pie

not in local wars

I saw many of my brothers fall easy

not in local wars or ‘nam

that I could surely understand

but slow falling into the ways of flesh

arms of girls soon to be women

wanting to build nests homes

needing carpets curtains

all the white goods

when once all they wanted

was them in the morning

afternoon nights

& they too

needing now newer cars motorcycles

wanting lawn mowers hoses rakes

fresh cut lawns scrubbed parking drives

these once bright eyed forever hungry

demons in the night screaming sonnets

lilting love poems to lust let me live

let me live again soft singing drunk high

I guess they got their wish

but if you hear

they talk all wistful



I’d got giddy on her

be all hugging trees

picnicking the deep woods

sitting in night silence

stalking spirit worlds

working to be ancient

a better vision person

wafting sage willy nilly

when all I wanted

was to be with

between her thighs

inside up close

holding on to her smell

smiles laughter love

as she wanted me

to be this other

wiser more spiritual

less lusty being

it was all a matter

who woke broke

blinked first

coming round

we’d tried for a while

& I liked her some

but felt no spark

no lift of wings

but she kept coming round

would dust the place

move stuff around

& for a motherless boy

there is comfort there

never gave her a key

just a soft tap at the door

& she’d be here again

offering foods she’d bring

& every now & then

she’d bend in such a way

those legs’d catch my eye

a man is all he is in lust

I promised gave her nothing

for that soft tap at the door

& if there was someone else here

she’d go away without a word

come round again on another day

until I felt I owed her something

or was it just the pains of guilt

of taking & not giving

& when the landlord put the rent up

I moved

& never saw her



the energy

in motion

after you you fat swine

I went after younger men

needing the love

the energy

mute devotion

you ruined me

made a mess of my mind

chasing down young boys

searching for the good time

& they gave me lust

dancing until dawn

wanting more more more

& all you offered

you rotten old man

was emptiness distances dust

& I smiled

whispered thank you for the visit

closed the door on the drama

as all fat rotten old swine must

I burned through them baby

there with my youth

energy ideas & looks

all on my side

like a knife through butter

nothing taken or given

just excitement

lust love sex


each of us accepting rejecting

moving on to other newer times

& now I hear one has gone

taken by death silence

no more shining in the sun

& I couldn’t ask for details

burn or burial

to think of that beauty

twisted & torn

no chance now for apologies

forgive me’s for being young


that everything would continue

in the way life had always done

romance is not what it was

I passed her in the street

there with her man

she shot me a fearful

don’t say hello look

& I struggled to remember

Janey Jill Susie Sue?

not that I’m much proud

of our fumble encounter

one of those long Saturday nights

leaning on the counter

watching the tab mount up

she was there with her friend

married ladies night out

& I was passing out the charm

the beer lights & the music

working their magic

& she wanted something of me

giving me the eye the wink

come on & follow me

where she began to blow me

turned to offer me from behind

& as I took my chances

she softly said

just don’t come in me ok?

my old man would kill me

& the moment was gone

romance is not what it was

I pretended to come

zipped up my pants

kissed her the once

returned to the beer lights

flat beer on the counter

& the music came on

just another beer lust driven moment

given & gone

these ladies

getting to a certain age

& butter would not melt

they act like life

never laid a finger

& I don’t care to think

linger on ideas of the things

they’ve said & done

one with three marriages

one a widow for so long

raising five kids between them

men are nothing to them now

they die & leave them alone

& we pretend together

that lust sex & other profanity

is not up for discussion

love is only left for children now

on this final stretch

before home