so like the others

I was hungry

desperate

that I took a kind word

or two

a nice smile

went along with that

having found nothing better

& soon

she began using the L word

we were lovers sure

but was this Love?

then came needs demands ceremonies

meetings with families priests

& I rode along

like so many others

until the day

she asked

why so quiet?

cold?

I offered

I’m not entirely sure

how I got here

so like the others

she told me

I’d broken her heart

I’m still looking for mine I said

which only made that scene worse

this self loathing

this self loathing

low as a snake belly in the dust

the things lovers say in the night

jilted staring into the abyss

take me back & I will

do anything you ask me to

crawling lower than any animal can

just give me your bad love

another while longer or two

& I will I swear never argue

will do anything you ask me to

accept your lovers the drinking

fighting the drugs stealing my cash

put up with the whole weary way

the mess you bring into my life

broken windows holes in the walls

dead cars abandoned in crashes

just give me your bad love

another while longer or two

& I will I swear by this night

to do anything you ask me to

just please don’t leave me alone

Living with loss

he tells me of lovers

counting them off

finger by fingers thumbs

indicating toes

people he called out love to

now gone

the way of all flesh

living with loss he tells me

as the jug empties

& we call for more

gentle under the trees cicadas moon

& my turn will come he sighs

caught in the thought

the majesty of death

of course I say quiet

reaching across for olives

& oil

I know nothing of any of this

for I am immortal

having never ever felt loss

suffered in any way

felt life’s thin cruel whip

y’know he said all bright

& firing now

for my longest ever friend

you can be such a arsehole

still talking

bottle of pink

rose d’anjou was all I could afford

wandering down to yours

walking slow through downtown

bricked up doors metal gridded stores

wondering just what

I was getting myself into

unaware you were thinking

much the same

& we saw each other

for just a little while

recognising we were

better friends than lovers

keeping in touch over time

to see you three months before

before you died

& y’see?

I’m still talking to you

today

you gone

days when the sun came

& I could not raise myself

see it anyhow

living with life dead lovers

she told me she loved me

but all that meant was

she didn’t want

to see me go

living in silence

waiting for the rain to come

to change the scene

wanting for something

to happen along

create a spark

a blue low hum

better feelings to rise

& you can convince you

all days are much the same

but there comes one

where light comes into eyes

the door opens

& baby

you gone

2wice

there were few times

the man offered me advice

on life love other things

we were so opposed

he couldn’t talk clear

& I could not hear

the first time

he was nervous

of friends I had

& the second

was about lovers

telling me to be careful

make sure I had the right one

while I stared hard at him

the first of his ran away

& the second

could not do care

look after him at all

care for him me be kind

& the day he died

gave away his clothes

bundled for the charity

in a different direction

I was writing songs

hoping the band could find a melody

wanting you to sing along

& nobody could hear the sweet words

I’d strung in a line for you

some thin thing about trying to be lovers

making the best of a poor start

maybe we’d make it be true

how the past don’t have to be repeated

though I could see a distant dim light

heading down that dark tunnel fast

& they brought in a different guy

could sing better throw out a faster lyric

as you went in a different direction

while I found another fleeting beauty

trying to make some thin thing last

like these sweet words never do

like a rock star

everything

that can be said

nuanced

between lovers

haters

the indifferent

has over the millennia

been said

maybe in different clothes

faces

accents

languages

everything

that can be done

between lovers

enemies

classes

races

nations

creeds

has been done

& all you & I

have to do now

is be like a rock star

every night in a new city

& act like

everything you have to offer

is new

add me in

 

it was a long difficult list

some litany of woe

this one was too mean

that one too fat

the other ok

but he loved his mother too much

& him?

he was married to another

him to booze

other to drugs

into too much kinky sex

that one was an asshole

while he never slept

& he never washed

it was about here

I began to lose interest

though I felt she was attractive

& in a hopeful way

she asked & you?

oh I’m just another one baby

just add me in to your list