days? hours?
only time would tell
but I knew
& you knew
worse
hell
everybody knew
but who cares?
not everybody
had a heart like mine
could savour these moments
like cheap wine
heart
the wrong in your soul
still there
for all the sage
the cleansing
aligning of chakras
meditations
hanging crystals
banishment spells
you are still there
forever in my heart
burning holes
if locked up tight
the one I wanted to be
but never could
not for the wanting
trying on my part
the wrong in your soul
two people just
never meant to be
body lost
I know this highway
back of my hand
living once
at one end
now this
here in the other
& my heart
lives one side
my body lost
to another
& I know one day
my two
will be as one
meantime
I ride this highway
living the life parted
looking to understand
waiting to be happy
heart in the right place
his heart is in the right place
we go back a few years
& he’s on a roll
wanting me to vote
for his guy
says he’s worth the time
& I ask him straight
when was the last time
you saw a politician
in a poor suit
struggling in a cheap dress?
their hair is always
an expensive cut
made up to the nines
smiling for the tv
& a very few now
are not millionaires
who was the last one
came up from the streets
& not straight out of law school?
oh you’re such a cynic he says
but I know your
heart is in the right place
you you & you
an ancient place
with you you & you
three women of a certain age
sitting on a ridge in the sun
top of the stone quarries
where they never say the name
of the furry long ear
with the white bob tail
I took the photograph
of you you & you
you never loved me
fighting me for nine years
you learned to love me
over thirty years
& you
you loved me from the start
recognising a fellow soul
a joyful happy heart
no hurts intended
& if only
I could have traded
your places in my life
what the world
would have been
please
she’s a great looking kid
got a great voice
& she wants to work in the industry
have a career singing to millions
go beyond beyonce or taylor
all said with a sweet smile
covering soft the avarice behind
she has not worked the entertainment mills
the bars cabarets supper clubs
singing late afternoons for two
the bored the drunks the bored drunks
singing for a wage for love for pennies
the experience the heart highs lows
& how do you say to anybody
come back another time
after you’ve been hurt
brought to your knees
found your own voice
heart
depth of soul
please
hey you write right?
will you read this?
as curling paper was thrust
into my unwelcoming hands
there are few of us linemen
really want to read the shit
other people write
& sure enough
after I tried oh I did
there was a call in ‘em
appeals to sentimentality
fellow feeling in full
wanting me in the cause
to the greater good
only to say I found
the exercise feak & weeble
when I gave them back
not my kind of thing son
when he felt he’d written
from the passionate heart
& I was thinking if that
is not your very own
but belongs to the many
the whole thing is doomed
right from the boggy start
so few
& a couple of them
are now dead
not that I didn’t want more
my hand is always open
as is my heart
but the pool is small
can hold my hand tight
in theirs
mine darkest nights
the few know
no time is the wrong time
every moment we have is now
& that in itself surprises me
so few understand
hold on to each other
when the rain comes
the sun shines
as each are but the same
they come to you
like butter would not melt
in those oh so sweet mouths
to leave
screaming & kicking
spitballs of rage
to later call
I do wonder how you are these days
like they left no scars
wounds that have barely healed
I’m ok you say
not wanting to give anything away
then soft with a hint of steel
I hear you’re dating that blonde…?
& you? I go
you seeing mr right?
& the tone changes
like they want to forget
it was they who put the cuts in
created the scars on the heart
yeah you always bounce back don’t you
putting the phone down with a click
I guess she feels she scored somethin’ there
but me I gotta go lie down
feeling a little sick
turning the phone off the music up
a man has to have something
he can rely on
scaring people
emotions are heady stuff
scaring people
I have scared people
not just with the anger
but more with the loving
open heart open hands
these things they prefer
not to understand
sighing together talking of love
are the stranger things
being more comfortable of
red hot anger strangled shouts
rather than the muted
displays of wanting needing
softness desperate love
neilbenbow 