consignment

that get to be gone place

where the Friday Saturday night girls went

they’d appear by my side for a while

be fun companions stay the night

then gone with the dawn next day

& some might appear again

stay for a month or so

then be lost forever

consigned to history

distant memory

& now I wonder

is that the same place

where my dead friends go?

here for a while only

like all of us fools are

making the most of what we can

then consigned to history

memories of times gone

some to be forgotten

others to haunt

in idle moments

long nights cool mornings

with a wry smile

& a warm feeling to come

done with me

in truth

she had very likely

been done with me for a while

had waited

to find the right time

to let me go

& we all know now

there is no right time

for the unlover

to tell the lover

this is over

stick a fork in it

we’re done

I don’t recall pleading

tho’ I certainly

felt some bleeding

tears coming on

walked away the pain

& when I

turned to look back

she was gone

I’ll take that time

one more player

filling the stage

couple of hours

& gone if you please

& I’ll take that time

over living low

looking out the window

lying in bed holding on

trying to get off my knees

just one more lover

did not make the grade

another sad end story

for her to be telling

told over coffee to friends

wondering where

he is now

proclaiming her deep growing love for me

I didn’t want to go

but she insisted

needing more booze

more cigarettes more life

than I had in my rooms

so we went & I tried

with the few people there

slowly getting drunk

talking nonsense

meaning nothing of weight

to anybody might listen

& then she was gone

found some other fella

could give her more

& I was hoping against hope

he wouldn’t just fuck her

& send her right back

I wanted more for her

than just that

wanted more for me

the last thing I needed

would be her pounding the door

past midnight ‘round three

proclaiming her deep

growing love for me

for a little while

she loved me for a little while

of that I’m sure

but after that

things were less clear

& that

has to be enough

there is no second go round

reaching for the bottle again

the moment

that time

is gone

these things you should never do

I went there

slowly back to where I was born

local cottage hospital

& that was no more

new houses planted on the spot

another place & time

the street I remember playing in

ragged homes now holding age

tired at the edges

& not a face I could put feelings on

the field I built my bonfires

had forts warfare battles

gone

everything from there

now needs be held within

all external evidence vanished

sentiment holds time in place

places years & faces

& I know I wanted changes

yet I never knew

I needed something to hold onto

too

just sheer bloody inertia

you could tell me

lead me straight through

your door

but I will never understand

how you live here

when I’m gone

I understand there’s eating

drinking watching the tv

just what you people do

in your living together

seems to be a bore

you don’t talk much

sharing is for losers you say

so the wonder has to be

what is it you got

to make the other stay

is it the shame

hidden under the mattress

pride lost lying on the floor

fear for the world unkown

beyond your tattered curtains

or just sheer bloody inertia

keeps you living in sin?

romance is not what it was

I passed her in the street

there with her man

she shot me a fearful

don’t say hello look

& I struggled to remember

Janey Jill Susie Sue?

not that I’m much proud

of our fumble encounter

one of those long Saturday nights

leaning on the counter

watching the tab mount up

she was there with her friend

married ladies night out

& I was passing out the charm

the beer lights & the music

working their magic

& she wanted something of me

giving me the eye the wink

come on & follow me

where she began to blow me

turned to offer me from behind

& as I took my chances

she softly said

just don’t come in me ok?

my old man would kill me

& the moment was gone

romance is not what it was

I pretended to come

zipped up my pants

kissed her the once

returned to the beer lights

flat beer on the counter

& the music came on

just another beer lust driven moment

given & gone

& ten years gone behind

after those sad times

coming to see you there in the hospitals

lying thin frail

knowing it was but time

days or weeks

& now its ten years gone

I guess I found my way back to you

some way for us to forgive the past

though I could never get you

as you understand me

different times between us

too much time across the years

I was determined to live without fear

even if that meant saying goodbye

& those others you left behind

their hands remain closed

its fists not fun for these

& it is too long to be living in hope

for sleeping people to wake

sold off childhood

girl on a motorcycle

Triumph/Bsa

Harley Davidson

posters gone from the walls

all toys given away

or sold

books

annuals from ten years

Guiness book of records’

music tapes

albums singles

collections passed on

pennant with The End

The Doors lyrics on

swimming badges

scout uniform

clothes

binned & gone

I’d been away four months

to join the Navy

first leave return

my old room redecorated

repainted

no longer my home

I was consigned to history

binned & gone