& how do you feel about that?

pushed way down

& how do you feel about that?

to say those feelings

were pushed way down

some long while ago

for a reason

the hurt the pain the truth

how easy this heart is

to be pushed around

a pretty face pretty smile

nice words pretending kind

enough to manipulate my mind

embarrassment of being a fool

caught on such little bait

yeah I pushed them way down

for fear of being nothing

just another clown

for not learning the lesson

the first time

industrial shaman 6

week 1

he came in all breezy

tall thin handsome in a dark way

feeling burned by his now ex girlfriend

we talked of loss bereavement

how to look after himself

week 2

new girlfriend new loves

new ideas life was great

full of hopes dreams

suggested he slow some

maybe look after himself?

week 3

all breezy though feeling burned

by his new now ex girlfriend

we talked of what had happened

to slow some look after himself?

the girls came easy he said

they seem to leave the same way

I said soft but you feel the blow eh?

week 4

a slow week he offered

a one night stand & no follow up

feeling he was missing out on something

could it be taking yourself seriously?

I offered as he countered with a no

week 5

a new girl up all over again

thinking new ideas new lives

& what about you? I asked

knowing he had no clue why

as he was leaving with a smile

next week should I get cotton candy

candy floss toffee apples hot dogs?

week 6

full of puzzles about my offer

while he told me about yet another

I figured I said you are at the fair

on a wild merry go round

rollercoaster down one week

then up in the air maybe hot dogs

cotton candy toffee apples

are what you get to eat there

week 7

I feel he said perhaps worse fear

you don’t take me seriously

ok I gave him back

perhaps if you begin to take

yourself seriously I might do too?

week 8

the work begins

These patterns

these patterns formed

built from hunger hard times

deprivations of nothing going on

hanging on to the tiniest crumb

eking out every moment from

taking everything offered

until that’s gone

time to move on

these patterns

create their own down

for all that given is not good

healthy to the system

but that at the time

feels better than none

noises you make

it started how I said pan

instead of saucepan

how I expressed myself

after taking a long drink

becomes about the noise you make

peeing in the night

those soft sighs

grunts reading the paper

driving in the fog

& then I knew it was going downhill

though it took a while longer

for the lesson to kick in

& today

she is moaning at him

two bowed souls clutching carriers

walking the street

heading home from shopping

passing beneath me

his uselessness standing mute

in front of things she wants to see

she might think

she was wearing him down

but missed herself

& me too

to break a man further

days between the sheets

plotting my return to the world

lost in what had happened so far

& hoping the future

would not turn out the same

& he comes to my door wanting change

I ain’t got nothing but some ideas for you I venture

as his mouth turns down at the tips

look all I want is enough for a drink

ok ok I say but first lets help you think

I put some work your way

just how did that go?

weeeell it kinda didn’t

y’know I made the first day

then she got sick & the dog

crapped on the carpet

the car wouldn’t start

& well, y’know how it goes…

I turn out my pockets wide

got some fine blue lint here

few crumbs from an old cigar I found

you hurting too? he ventures

eyes scoping the room

see what might be around

yeah, I might be, I say

just not maybe in the way you are

mine is a different down

& he leaves muttering to himself

how he might be broke

but there is just no need

to break a man further to the ground

all ‘umpy

bring me down

people man

they turn up

wanna do

he said

she said

& I get bummed out

I was here

had a level mood

just getting on with being me

which in itself

ain’t always easy

if they were working towards

some kind of conclusion

plan of things to do

I’d be good to help out

but no

its flapping gums

dead minds

& then they get all ‘umpy

when I show ‘em the door

with the truth

just where were you son

when I couldn’t

get off the floor?