this self loathing

this self loathing

low as a snake belly in the dust

the things lovers say in the night

jilted staring into the abyss

take me back & I will

do anything you ask me to

crawling lower than any animal can

just give me your bad love

another while longer or two

& I will I swear never argue

will do anything you ask me to

accept your lovers the drinking

fighting the drugs stealing my cash

put up with the whole weary way

the mess you bring into my life

broken windows holes in the walls

dead cars abandoned in crashes

just give me your bad love

another while longer or two

& I will I swear by this night

to do anything you ask me to

just please don’t leave me alone

lyme disease

all of us

not one left behind

we said felt in our bones

are going to live for eternity

nothing in our way

until the days came

I crawled from bed to bathroom

leaning against the wall

to piss to shit

to stop from falling down

days that had no beginnings

no ends just the same

& if you were to ask me

just who I thought I was

I needed time to consider

dredge through the sludge

work up an answer might fit

for both you & me

weeks going to months

waiting for the fog to clear

a path through the dust

& I could begin to tell you

just what I’d been who I was

but if you looked at the wreck

leaning there before you

you’d need to take all of that

on trust

crawling

we meet around seven

usual bullshit reason to meet

& the beer keeps flowing

& about the second one in

I realise I’m bored

the noise is too loud

can hear mebbe 2 in 3 words

as the bloat starts in

I’d rather be sat in a wine bar

some soft muzak on low

sipping a soft Corbiere

asking how do you do?

instead we watch the pool players

telling tales of matches we won

as the evening crawls on

drifting from pub to bar

walking on unsteady feet

& then somebody orders spirits

& I’m gagging on dark brandy

that I must swallow for the craic

knowing in the morning

there will be no clock turning back

to days when I could

even wanted to do this

but now it’s a bore a chore

to be done for some bullshit

occasion

because it is our tradition

our way of bonding