& how do you feel about that?

pushed way down

& how do you feel about that?

to say those feelings

were pushed way down

some long while ago

for a reason

the hurt the pain the truth

how easy this heart is

to be pushed around

a pretty face pretty smile

nice words pretending kind

enough to manipulate my mind

embarrassment of being a fool

caught on such little bait

yeah I pushed them way down

for fear of being nothing

just another clown

for not learning the lesson

the first time

the sickness

when the sickness takes hold

bites to the bone

there was nothing I would not do

to keep you close

nights wondering where you were

but knowing deep down

& it don’t help to know

right now I was the clown

I’d sworn never to be

seeing others torn into two

wanting to keep on this half life

half love forever chained

to somebody who doesn’t love you

in the way they swore to be

& it don’t help to know

you know how this will end

being foolish is little different

from being the fool

who doesn’t know what is coming

tomorrow the next bend

this sickness will drive you to

cocktail party syndrome

wants to twist words

but doesn’t want to fight

oh no

that would be too honest

he’s much happier

sitting on the sidelines

casting a snide here & there

waiting for an opening

get in his twists

show how much cleverer he is

than the stupid protagonists

throwing their own thoughts up

& one will stumble

fall over a word or line

& he’ll want to jump in

riffing on what’s gone before

nothing new original his own

cocktail party syndrome

& we

protagonists will wait for you

to catch on to the clown

but you rarely