why do you ask?

so for you

my anger

came from nowhere

was unexpected

has this happened

to you

at all before?

oh only

a couple of times

exes y’know

why

do you ask?

for a second maybe two

I was stunned

not knowing what I was seeing

& then I knew

clear as I saw him kiss her

the way he put his hand

between her legs

this was not their first time

my body moving from heat

rage lava anger to cold

my head freezing

turning away

legs walking as thru’ mud

kept on walking walking

finally found home

tossed her clothes

toiletries into bags

called her friend

please come over take these away

changed the locks

pulled the curtains

turned off the ‘phone

sat for a long while

tried to breathe

waiting for a time

until I could open my eyes

unsee the seen

there were notes letters

phone messages

but I never saw her again

because I knew

I could not trust myself

with her

ever

again

projections

she was flailing away

keys across the face

making accusations

I had no idea where from

I was being who I was

& earlier times

that had been ok enough

but this whirling demon

flinging dirt all directions

was a new person to me

I sat hoping the steam

would go out

but no

something somebody

had put the worms deep

in her maddened head

I had to ask her to leave

as she made threats of harm

reputations to be shredded

everybody would know

what a beast I was

& to say right now

those who know me know

those who don’t well who cares?

to later learn the low down

the deceit deceptions

were from her direction

the anger the abuse

projections

paid hard

paid hard

for the simplest things

you know

everything costs the poor more

in hard earned cold coins

scraping the edges of my tired hands

in the giving over

for each minor mistake

I felt the lash on my bent back

pushing me along

go further along steel tracks

find something there

you can’t be here amongst us

try over again make like new

no accidents here

no missspokes misunderstands

no walking it back

responsibility is only

really there for the low

& I hear them uptown singing now

justice does not apply to me

& I’m wondering why my back teeth ache

this hot anger ebbs & flows

while downtown

only the gospel choir really knows

for the longest time

there were some emotions

I held at distance

not anger

that I was in constant touch with

having no fear of

but happiness

I’d touch that like a tongue

to a sore tooth

and back away quick as

fearful that if I stayed in contact

for too long

I’d contaminate the feeling

would jeopardize it

bring bad luck

wanting to save the chance

for the lift

if I had a bad day

& had to work at changing that

so now I can feel happy

in the moment

the now

actually BE happy

& that worked

well mostly kinda

sometimes

scaring people

emotions are heady stuff

scaring people

I have scared people

not just with the anger

but more with the loving

open heart open hands

these things they prefer

not to understand

sighing together talking of love

are the stranger things

being more comfortable of

red hot anger strangled shouts

rather than the muted

displays of wanting needing

softness desperate love

there is little anger here

which comes as a bit of a surprise

to be sure

there is

the every day frustration

comes from being so close to each other

cheek by jowl living

sniffing the stench

of the others ‘pits

hot assholes

places to itch

if not be scratched

the reasons of the why

living close to the floor

unable to raise the price of a roof

access to the better world

that little bit more

trotted that out

you seem very angry

she trotted that out

like so many before

the go to phrase

for women who never quite get

been thoroughly immersed in men

this again?

is the first thought

have I time

the will

the energy to educate?

the second

Ok I say

stop right there with the pronouncements

just because it’s in your head

don’t make it so

does what I say make you angry?

my thoughts trip you out?

what I think happens here

is my passion

fervor

gets translated within you

to anger

the emotion easier to give to men

if you knew us, me

spent a little more time listening

than interpreting

but she’s lost again

those voices in her head

will always win through