roaring deep

those nights

lights off

sitting in silence

holding my head

& wondering if the abyss

would cease staring back

as the world spun ever tighter

it seemed then

that everything I had ever

got close up to

seemed built

on a long ladder of lies

dissolving under close gaze

tighter inspection

parents school college

all of the institutions

work

that ever present

need to earn money

where the people

who did the actual work

earned less than those

who could not do the job

sitting in air con offices

scheming on each other

to suck up to the boss

in a bigger office

I wanted needed out of the trap

& all I heard in the silence

was the abyss roaring deep

some days

the abyss stares back

days there was nothing

walking to & from school

the park

going to bed

waking up

the only thing holding me

was me there in the dark

beyond boredom

loneliness left behind

walking up the stairs

only to pass down again

& they asked if I had the blues

& I said I wished it were

at least then

I’d have a name

something I could cling to