there is always
a reason
the banale
the dog ate my homework
benign
I was gonna
but then forgot y’know
got shit to do
my hand head legs stomach hurts
my heart is broken
the day just got away
erm I was broke
was starving could not concentrate
er it was payday
had red bills to pay
there is always a reason
for them to not do today
what was promised agreed
what they said they would they could
to instead sit wait
stare at the sun
not get the things necessary
done
because
what’s the rush?
they don’t forget or forgive
ever
walking alongside the river
saw the rope hanging from a tree
I jumped high & on to swing out over the water
just about managed to get back on the bank
& my girl went next loving the excitement
will she or won’t she fall in?
& then my friend jumped on swinging out higher than us
being braver bolder badass
to swing back to hit the river bank with a bang
oh man we laughed the comedy of it
he hadn’t jumped up high enough on the rope
& it wasn’t just his body got bruised
another girl a very different time
as I put the leather hood she loved on her head
carefully making sure her hair escaped the long zip
why are you giggling? she asked indignant upset
the comedy of this making sure I don’t cause you pain
when I’ll be spanking you in a minute until your cheeks turn red
& she complained I was destroying the moment the mood
so I spanked her longer to maybe help her understand
that thing we had did not last long
she didn’t forget or forgive ever
neither did he
they never do
that favourite singer of hers
that I’d mishear the lyrics to
sing along in my own way
mondegreen’ing
& bless
she never once
called me out on or
trashed this broken voice
just sat there with a sweet smile
singing the right words
with correct melody
perfectly in tune
in homage to her hero
& this gruff lump
beside her
having fun
if out of tune
in his own way
please don’t mention her name
ask on how I might feel
as a punch on the nose
might hurt you more
than the mention of her
is hurting me right now
& don’t try to
come the innocent
you were one of those
told her straight
I was punching
way above my weight
so carry on talking
if you want the bruise
I don’t want the news
& you don’t want
to find out
if my punch is worthy
of my weight
his paintings
captured
what I saw
held close & dear
detail
light & shade
made the order plain
created clear understanding
though all I could do
being poor
was stand
in a quiet hall
with other gawpers
as the only certainty
lay
that I could not afford
his work
exit through the gift shop
if you please
I have been a fool
so many times
whether
time place
actions
spoken words
with people
on my jack
wrong ideas
clothes face
attributes
& for a few
just the act of breathing
there’s a gap in their mind
between
what their eyes see in front of them
& what is really there
your job now is to listen intent
because their words
are close to the truth
but really just hot air not there
if you don’t listen close
they will assume
you have given consent
for the madness apparent
to anybody present
but them
this is the gap
present twixt the unseen
& internal nonsense they’ve created
to avoid seeing
you
as you really are
honest
& true
if askew
to this mad worl
there’s a gap in their mind
between
what their eyes see in front of them
& what is really there
your job now is to listen intent
because their words
are close to the truth
but really just hot air not there
if you don’t listen close
they will assume
you have given consent
for the madness apparent
to anybody present
but them
this is the gap
present twixt the unseen
& internal nonsense they’ve created
to avoid seeing
you
as you really are
honest
& true
if askew
to this mad world
top of that particular tree in the forest
she was his secretary he said
nobody else had access to him
or word on rumblings from the top floor
his wife had selected her from the file
making sure of no shenanigans happening
& for that alone it was a wise choice
this thin strip shrew of a woman
who denied access to the big fella
becoming his front to talk to us
seeing the arrogance flounce
thinking that hers was the power
the real authoritative voice
she knew everything going on
had typed out his reports in full
but oh she could not tell nothing slipped
from those blood stripped lips
& when the man moved on as they do
she got shoved back into the rank & file
became just another admin bod
no high life no longer the voice of god
we felt no pity no warmth or love
you reap what you sow eh?
welcome in to this world
where everybody has to pay
we were both raised steeped in faults
the petty of sibling family rivalry
& learning to escape those
the tyranny of generations of martyrdom
there were fights explosions
this storming & norming of forming
to find the principle of the camp fire cook
out on the trail loneliness of nowhere
you never criticised the camp fire cook
fella was doing his best & if you complained
congratulations brother! you are the new campfire cook
if I complained about the state of the place
or she had issues with me taking out the trash
congratulations! we had become the new to do
unsurprisingly the complaints become fewer
as you learn to put up with your idea of less
then we found complaints with recommendations
to never make a complaint until you had a reccomend
which makes for long tendentious conversations
but hey we got time today to find a better way
save doing all that bitterness rows & fights
btw this is a progress report & if you don’t like it
congrats!
YOU are the new campfire cook
we don’t talk about this much anymore
how she took him apart
took the house kids car cat & dog
for which he still has to pay
though he never sees them at all
house kids car-not the dog
that he paid cash once only for
& this sounds like a country song
I tap his glass ask another?
only the one he says I must go
to where is never quite clear
living in the one room place now
we don’t talk much about this anymore
the choke comes words fail to arrive
except thin tears corner of the eyes
that never fall appear on sunk cheeks
& I wonder if this was part of her leaving
this choke inability to talk give it up
if all of us ever have in this transient time
is ever only the one relationship
then I guess I’m seeing all of him in play
so we have only the one drink
then just for living
we try having another one only
neilbenbow 