never down to you

if I were to be snatched away

& the words were only

what was left

I’d want you to know

if I ever loved

it was only ever you

& if at times

that was never enough

or my words took a turn away

that was always me

never down to you

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the sex thing

rolling through towns

I used to know

sweet memories

of janey there judy here

all those susans sally-annes

along the way

thinking how then

how far

I’d go for the sex thing

some of these were loves

some nothing but lovers

wanting but the same as me

not that they’d say that then

though we’d all know in the ends

the tortuous routes taken

buses cars motorcycles

when those broke the thumb

for an hour maybe two

talking our way into the sex thing

making it more in words

than it ever was in lives

none of us made it through

to anything more than a little love

ours the tiny death of moments

in the scheme of our things

& if I think of them fondly

is to forget forever

the thin love that they brung

pain eternal

there through the window pane

you watch them hobble about their day

the sad mad bad what I never had faces

gnawing away at pieces of suffering

their pain losses & unwanted gains

eating away until there is nothing left

of themselves & you could tell them

if you were the sadistic enough unkind

you are masters of your own destiny

with a wicked glint in your eye

a pocket with a knife or a gun

to defend your Disney offences

for they will & fucking well should

bright sharp daggers drawn come for you

here is pain & nothing but the shame of it

missing brothers mothers sisters lovers

addictions to the booze gambling drugs

wire writhing deep in the blood

lovers who took the children away

left them cold outside church shoe box

where such simple words gain no traction

but ocean deep black misunderstood

hope here can be nothing more than a dangle rope

pain begins the morning informs its skies

will never end not even after darkness

though your pious technicolour sunset portends

another new day of pain passing between friends

on for ever & ever & ever amen

don’t you get lonely?

& I wonder if the grey moods

that flit through here

now & again

are what you people call alone

I can’t properly tell

being born into non love

product of those falling together

trying to find some kind of love

from lust fumbling in the dark

without thought or thinking

just bring it on home

let the pieces lay

flat on the floor

I guess that’s the price

of being poor

the carrying on whatever comes

keeping on keeping on

death sorts everything in the end

& you can’t miss what y’never had

even if you hear the words in a song

I’d love to feel your comradeship

those feelings you crow about

& lament later in the lyric song

the truth in this moment

with your kind of friendship

that giving to take away thing

is where I don’t belong

fading fading away

garden center nursery blues

I see them go in in their droves

looking for garden plants

dash & a splash coffee & a pee

then home in time for tea

small thin-skinned persons

gender neutral

pale shorts paler shirts

stick legs arms poking out

cotton topped hair

beige on beige

some kind of fawn

fading fading away

sloping off softly in sepia sunsets

from homes marked dunrovin

dunteachin dunrobbin

wisteria view acer place

homeacres iznerz

fresh no more enhanced with equipment

teeth from dentists

specs on chains in case they be forgot

hidden hearing helpers

but still their faces register: what now?

whist drives bridge & coffee mornings

to take up time

no longer the sex

intrigues affairs office politix row home gossip

all gone for the god of beige

some kind of fawn

fading fading away

sloping off softly in sepia sunsets

disappearing before our eyes

the sex thing

rolling through towns

I used to know

sweet memories

of janey there judy here

all those susans sally-annes

along the way

thinking how then

how far

I’d go for the sex thing

some of these were loves

some nothing but lovers

wanting but the same as me

not that they’d say that then

though we’d all know in the ends

the tortuous routes taken

buses cars motorcycles

when those broke the thumb

for an hour maybe two

talking our way into the sex thing

making it more in words

than it ever was in lives

none of us made it through

to anything more than a little love

ours the tiny death of moments

in the scheme of our things

& if I think of them fondly

is to forget forever

the thin love that they brung

sails on idle

I had me a ship

waiting

sails on idle

where none was expected

though they saw

the fire light glow in my eyes

thinking I’d stick around

forever

never mind the

treat me how they wanted

pretending not to hear

the match strike

long protracted sighs

& as I sailed away

watching our bridges burn

I heard them wail

how could you

treat us so badly?

all we ever wanted

was to teach you

to learn