there is always

there is always

a reason

the banale

the dog ate my homework

benign

I was gonna

but then forgot y’know

got shit to do

my hand head legs stomach hurts

my heart is broken

the day just got away

erm I was broke

was starving could not concentrate

er it was payday

had red bills to pay

there is always a reason

for them to not do today

what was promised agreed

what they said they would they could

to instead sit wait

stare at the sun

not get the things necessary

done

because

what’s the rush?

oh the irony

they don’t forget or forgive

ever

walking alongside the river

saw the rope hanging from a tree

I jumped high & on to swing out over the water

just about managed to get back on the bank

& my girl went next loving the excitement

will she or won’t she fall in?

& then my friend jumped on swinging out higher than us

being braver bolder badass

to swing back to hit the river bank with a bang

oh man we laughed the comedy of it

he hadn’t jumped up high enough on the rope

& it wasn’t just his body got bruised

another girl a very different time

as I put the leather hood she loved on her head

carefully making sure her hair escaped the long zip

why are you giggling? she asked indignant upset

the comedy of this making sure I don’t cause you pain

when I’ll be spanking you in a minute until your cheeks turn red

& she complained I was destroying the moment the mood

so I spanked her longer to maybe help her understand

that thing we had did not last long

she didn’t forget or forgive ever

neither did he

they never do

tin ear

that favourite singer of hers

that I’d mishear the lyrics to

sing along in my own way

mondegreen’ing

& bless

she never once

called me out on or

trashed this broken voice

just sat there with a sweet smile

singing the right words

with correct melody

perfectly in tune

in homage to her hero

& this gruff lump

beside her

having fun

if out of tune

in his own way

iffen you would

please don’t mention her name

ask on how I might feel

as a punch on the nose

might hurt you more

than the mention of her

is hurting me right now

& don’t try to

come the innocent

you were one of those

told her straight

I was punching

way above my weight

so carry on talking

if you want the bruise

I don’t want the news

& you don’t want

to find out

if my punch is worthy

of my weight

what I saw

his paintings

captured

what I saw

held close & dear

detail

light & shade

made the order plain

created clear understanding

though all I could do

being poor

was stand

in a quiet hall

with other gawpers

as the only certainty

lay

that I could not afford

his work

exit through the gift shop

if you please

the eyes don’t have it

there’s a gap in their mind

between

what their eyes see in front of them

& what is really there

your job now is to listen intent

because their words

are close to the truth

but really just hot air not there

if you don’t listen close

they will assume

you have given consent

for the madness apparent

to anybody present

but them

this is the gap

present twixt the unseen

& internal nonsense they’ve created

to avoid seeing

you

as you really are

honest

& true

if askew

to this mad worl

there’s a gap in their mind

between

what their eyes see in front of them

& what is really there

your job now is to listen intent

because their words

are close to the truth

but really just hot air not there

if you don’t listen close

they will assume

you have given consent

for the madness apparent

to anybody present

but them

this is the gap

present twixt the unseen

& internal nonsense they’ve created

to avoid seeing

you

as you really are

honest

& true

if askew

to this mad world

admin to the big man

top of that particular tree in the forest

she was his secretary he said

nobody else had access to him

or word on rumblings from the top floor

his wife had selected her from the file

making sure of no shenanigans happening

& for that alone it was a wise choice

this thin strip shrew of a woman

who denied access to the big fella

becoming his front to talk to us

seeing the arrogance flounce

thinking that hers was the power

the real authoritative voice

she knew everything going on

had typed out his reports in full

but oh she could not tell nothing slipped

from those blood stripped lips

& when the man moved on as they do

she got shoved back into the rank & file

became just another admin bod

no high life no longer the voice of god

we felt no pity no warmth or love

you reap what you sow eh?

welcome in to this world

where everybody has to pay

camp fire cook

we were both raised steeped in faults

the petty of sibling family rivalry

& learning to escape those

the tyranny of generations of martyrdom

there were fights explosions

this storming & norming of forming

to find the principle of the camp fire cook

out on the trail loneliness of nowhere

you never criticised the camp fire cook

fella was doing his best & if you complained

congratulations brother! you are the new campfire cook

if I complained about the state of the place

or she had issues with me taking out the trash

congratulations! we had become the new to do

unsurprisingly the complaints become fewer

as you learn to put up with your idea of less

then we found complaints with recommendations

to never make a complaint until you had a reccomend

which makes for long tendentious conversations

but hey we got time today to find a better way

save doing all that bitterness rows & fights

btw this is a progress report & if you don’t like it

congrats!

YOU are the new campfire cook

only the one

we don’t talk about this much anymore

how she took him apart

took the house kids car cat & dog

for which he still has to pay

though he never sees them at all

house kids car-not the dog

that he paid cash once only for

& this sounds like a country song

I tap his glass ask another?

only the one he says I must go

to where is never quite clear

living in the one room place now

we don’t talk much about this anymore

the choke comes words fail to arrive

except thin tears corner of the eyes

that never fall appear on sunk cheeks

& I wonder if this was part of her leaving

this choke inability to talk give it up

if all of us ever have in this transient time

is ever only the one relationship

then I guess I’m seeing all of him in play

so we have only the one drink

then just for living

we try having another one only