high above the streets in Marrakesh
sipping sweet mint tea
feeling hot winds blowing in
atlas mountains the desert
& how long had it taken me
to get here?
to do nothing
but drink mint tea
& she asked if I was ok
seeing the little tears
that come
I’m fine I say
just the happiness
that comes
from being in a place
I so long
wanted to be
never meant
to be a bad man
but for you
I’ll give that a go
the best I can
tho’
you’ll never accept
you are anything
but a good woman
throwing your best away
on this bad man
tho’
if only you might
take a second
check your motivation
when all is just
me me me
what else
can there be?
she asks as she slid in
next stool along
& I’m looking
thinking no
nope I don’t
but she’s smiling
waiting
penny to drop
brain cells to kick in
last time I saw you…
she starts
yes you & me I say
at that party of…er?
did you ever marry him?
no I quit him moved on
I’m married to Dave now
you don’t know him
& while she’s talking
I’m looking
trying to square
this woman
with the girl I knew
& in there somewhere
there is a glimmer
& I wonder
but dare not ask
what tf happened?
in case she tells me
in detail
they will tell you
even if
they don’t say anything direct
my best girls mother came over
my girl had done the rush tidy up
& I’d swung the vacuum around
we fed her the best we could
found a decent red wine
came time for her
to use the bathroom
she stalled at the door
there’s water all over the floor!
its ok mother just couple of spots
from us using the shower
this morning
& in she went all grumpy
left me thinking that
they will tell you
how they really feel about you
your place how you live
even if
they don’t say anything direct
running eyes closed
the words are said
handshakes made
oaths blood given
nothing but nothing
will make us riven
then the odds change
you turn for help
& they are gone
& you learn
to be wary
check your change
count your fingers
see who’s eyes are closed
they may be running
alongside of you
but their mind
their eyes are gone
I read that thing
you wrote he writes
& it wasn’t like that
you distorted things
make me look bad
ok I tell him
later over the phone
you tell it like it was
but no
he goes on telling me
what a fool I am
like the vote
had not been done
on that one
you write it I tell him
you write it like
how it was for you
& we’ll meet up
compare notes
oh fuck you!
comes the reply
so I guess
we’ll have to let mine stand
I say to the ether
as he has already gone
if I could tell him
everything goes away
he’s just a guy
growing up
thinking cool is what matters
when what matters most
is what you have inside
& if I could tell him
he is just one of many
with a wounded mind
everybody has something
they are hurt with
can’t let pass by
& if I could tell him
these self-destructive thoughts
are just that
passing ideas that go
ease by & by
good times will come
as will other sad times
the wise one just watches
treats them all the same
picks out the ones
he wants to fly
& if I could tell him
but what do I know
I’m just another old man
who doesn’t understand
I never knew what brought her around
my life was shifting then
place to place in low rent shared houses
& every now & then
she would turn up stay the night & go
I’d move on
& lord knows how she found me
she’d be there
& this wasn’t love as far as I knew
just something
had caught her about me
& then
she no longer knocked on strange doors
never got in touch again
leaving me to wonder if she had returned
to her welcoming sea
to abandon her wandering man
forgive him
for being wild feckless unseeing
not being who she needed
wanted him knew him
to be
walking into a bar I’d not been for years
fella found my elbow steered me through the crowd
& I could tell he wanted me to be the buyer
though I hardly remembered his face
I bought us beers & a brandy chaser
how can I help you he asked all foxy sly
letting me know it was him wanted from me
I thought I’d drop by see if K was around
she used to drink here years ago
he thought for a minute
leaned back motioned the barman for more
you know she left S right?
he cried for days sent people to try & find her
you’re not one of those?
we drank some more as I tell him no
I’m here for me just an old friend saying hello
I saw him look over my shoulder
I gotta go but I think she’ll be here soon
it’d be only a few seconds later a tap on my arm
& I turned to look into the face of K
I saw you with that creep what did he want?
he was going to tell me how to find you I said
humph she went he knows I come here most days
around this time to meet up with friends
about then I thought of punta arenas
before you get to the town the smell of the slaughterhouse
attaches to you your nose clogs infects your clothes
today was the stink of the man who’d played me
worked the odds for a drink or two
just a hustler hustling
the only thing he knows
sitting at the sidewalk cafe
sipping on café crème
a cognac on the side
feeling all greyed out
wondering if it was too early for a cigar
in the distance I can hear the ting ting
of a small iron bell
in front of me a streetsweeper
arranges a bundle of carpet
to guide the water down the gutter
& without thought the wonder comes on
how where does he live?
a wife a lover with his mother?
is he hungover too?
I come back to the café my coffee getting cold
take a sip there then a sip of the cognac
feeling the warmth come on
& begin to think of my lover
our affair growing cold
back there in the hotel
wondering what today will bring
