times
feeling the blues
thinking of you
& if it’s a bad time
I can get to let
those tears flow
if there’s a sad song
on the player
maybe coming over
on the radio
but if someone
were to call
came to my door
you
you or maybe you
don’t think
I’m going
to let you know
be giving them up
putting these
out for show
these things
you don’t need
ever
to know
30 days or more
on the road
I turned it in
wheel to the drive
she turned to me
hows’about
we turn it around
just forget
this for a while longer
go do all that over
try to get it right
this time?
that’s when I knew
the girl
was a keeper
don’t you?
she told me
at least
I’m telling you
here & now
not over the phone
leaving some shitty note
lipstick on the mirror
sorry babe she told me
but we’re over
letting the silence go on
just hang
& she knew nothing
of my bad time today
my dying car
no money to catch a bus
my friend dropping me off
to come by in the a.m.
take me back home
ok ok I whispered
backing out of the door
I will not make a fuss
no last hugs
no ending kiss
heard her say
goodbye love
I closed the door
set out to walk
the long way home
giving her the last words
at least
in my hand
all I had was a card
offering condolences
for a lost love
ending their decades
as her tears fell
I had to turn away
had nothing else to give
& the same for you
ending our days
I thought you
were something other
than what you became
I had to turn away
else you felt
I had more to give
& I would not do that
create hope
idea of days to come
so I had to turn away
i hear them
pass by my window
as I sit
wait
for the world to stop spinning
he wants something
& she will give it
but maybe not just yet
he needs to earn it first
show willing
give himself up
& my window is closed
blinds are down
else I’d shout
even if I have learned
better than give
unwanted advice
find another
go elsewhere
someone who sees you
as equal
not a knave knocking
on an already opened door
instead I sit
wait
for the world to stop spinning
inspiration
to come
not all poisons kill
the body
or taste buds
some poison sits
waits
I see her everywhere here
her body shape
style
hair
while I know for sure
these are not her
or at least
please don’t let it be
such is this poison
sitting waiting
killing the moment
making me look up
recognise similarities
but never
to be with her
again
the tour bus stops
needs get dealt with quick
empty the toilet
clue: no number 2’s on the tour bus
take in fresh water
find supplies
the food the booze
anything else comes to mind
always hard to find
‘the man’ in a new town
check out the local scene
& if lucky
the entertainment arrives
some shuffling hobo & harmonica
the helpful dad dragging the kids drums
out of the apartment
so the kid can play the carpark
rather than piss off the neighbours
or fistfights in the supermarket over nothing
after the miles the roads
you take whatever you can get
& applaud all of it
&
oh
the dutch
this idea of Europeans
white & all the same
so lazy
so reductionist
the efficient germans
devoid of humour
noisy Spanish
full of passions
snobby parisiangs
so different from the vichy French
& the Belgians
q’elle horreur
swedes finns norwegians
are not the same
as the English stiff upper lip
sweary football hooligans
port swigging
seafaring portuguese
yet
yet
italians pinching bottoms
walking into the med
fully clothed to end it all
such laziness
such sloppy thinking
&
oh the dutch
that I ever met
threw in
spent so much time
with you
when before
I had a full bag
of certainties
which you
worked your way
thru’
& after
I had to start over
new
while you told
I was no good
had thrown me over
for bad blood
but only a fool
would take those words
as true
obrigado arigato
for kicking my ass
when I least wanted
that kicked
but then
the unasked for compliment
those moments in life
unwanted unwished unexpected
are those that teach us
most
even if
thank you very much
I’m not sure
I wanted or needed
that lesson
taught
