feeling the bumps

in another’s footsteps

walking these green hills

feeling the bumps

buildings abandoned

aeons ago

there the stock fence

here where we hunted then

ochre sand desert

sepia & dull green sage

crunching noises underfoot

here where we came

looking through those eyes

used to green finding bright

scarce water thirst the day

in another’s footsteps

here where my ancestors lay

just just

wind through the trees

ruffling your hair

blowing grit

into my eyes

talking difficult words

explaining divergence

parting of our ways

not through lack

distance or care

just just

the words falling away

our paths

just just

mine going this way

& yours

not with mine

as the wind waved branches

just passing through

holding onto nothing

yet creating commotion

as people will

there are guides

will take your money

as people will

for anything

offering themselves

as leaders in the lore

wanting followers in their wake

when all you need do

is sit

observe

watch the world

wait for the patterns to form

see the unseen

let all of that

come to you

for you to be

rather than

put your pennies down

be told

how to do

took it all in

seemed everything they said was a lie, that was my seeing of adults as a kid.

I’ll take you fishing they’d say & then they never did. Our neighbour took me fishing once & bored I wandered away along the river bank which scared the crap out of him.

We’ll go again he said but the next time he took my old man & not me, which was what always happened, I’ll buy you an ice cream, we’ll go to the beach, we’ll go on the rides and…yeah we’d be at the beach but they’d be at the bar drinking while I skulked the shore alone again.

& stuff disappeared the whole time, toys, chocolate, presents, just stuff. They’d tell me that I’d lost it, broken it, eaten it all in one go, but I knew that was untrue. Like I had a money bank shape of a head, put in a coin in the hand flip the lever & it’d put the penny in the mouth. Gone one day & I was told that I’d given it away. Couple of years later I found it sitting in a cupboard at my uncle’s place, oh no they said that’s a different thing. But I knew. I knew.

This was how I learned not to trust adults, to trust anybody, ‘cos kids fuck each other over constantly, always looking for an edge, I got more than you, I get better grades, my dad earns more, our house is bigger, we got a better tv.

So not only was I not comfortable or safe at home, the world was unsafe &

uncomfortable too. & Then they, my folks had the nerve, the balls to question my attitude.

Better still, years later they claimed to not understand why I’d moved so far away from them

pills

I had the blues

the real bad kind

where the panic sets in

there behind the eyes

the sad thoughts

is it to be this time?

& the man will offer pills

to take it all away

& I say

listen man you don’t understand

this is how it is now & then

I know this will pass

but if you got something

like the giggle pills

I had as a kid?

& the man he says

we don’t offer that kind

which right now

I feel to be a poor business

AFAIK

nobody wants it told

straight

you don’t care

& the truth of that

stung

after a while

having convinced myself

the ladies coming & going

never hanging on for long

was just

my freewheeling lifestyle

I could even try now

explaining to you

it was all just

the fuzz in my head then

got in the way

of not being loving

caring enough

to find a keeper

& maybe

just maybe

kindness is not enough

numb nuts

in any crowd hanging on

there is always one

& this’un

kept calling me numb nuts

with the eyes kept begging

me to ask the why

I bided my time

‘til I felt fresh enough

called him out on his line

it’s ‘cos you got this dead face

don’t ever respond

to whatever I say

y’ever thought? I gave

that you come out with such shit

givin’ out a bunch of lies

that I keep a straight face

to save

laughing right out loud

at you?

I kept the dead face

except the eyes

staring into his

wonderin’ if we’d be rolling

fighting there on the ground

yeah ok he said

another day eh?

& BTW its your round

times

I had my freak head on

walking the street             paisley shirt

just doing my thing

while the straights            purple jeans

did the double take

wondering just wtf            red doc’ martens

was happening here

& it was nuthin’ man        straw field hat

just a stray cat rollin’ on

thinking things                 sunnies shading eyes

& laughing

out loud at the world        mind in the right place

not fearing the void