Frente al sol español

Frente al sol español

conversación grupo español

reunión cada semana allí en la biblioteca

un grupo de damas agradables de la época en la vida                  

luchando con sus españoles

recogido de vacaciones en las costas

o líneas en los diccionarios de libros de frases

Me uní por un tiempo si me sentía fuera de lugar

hablando de los pueblos de maderas traseras

vagando por las llanuras

& un perro viejo astuto que me llama la atención

hablando de canciones cantadas multitudes en el Futball

la próxima semana trajo una letra de reproductor de cd

a la que toda esta gente agradable cantó a lo largo

a Cara Al Sol la canción de la falange

Fascistas franquistas

su canción de marcha de la guerra civil

como trolling va ganó el día

pero en todo caso yo sabía claro

Estaba en el lugar equivocado

porque esta gente no sabía nada

del lugar que tanto querían hablar

maybe even

hoping

flicking thru stations

there on the radio

hoping to find

one of those love songs

might make me feel

something other

than what I got

maybe even

bring a smile

make me think

of better times

& five minutes later

found myself

staring out of the window

nothing going on

better times to come

there was one

I thought who got it

I’d crawl in

early morning

feel her warmth

just stroke

her soft belly

pudenda

soft hair

& I didn’t want more

just then

but a reminder

what I was working for

fall asleep

wake up later

she was gone to work

to climb in beside me

we’d nuzzle

& sometimes the magic

would happen

others

I’d go off to work

thinking of the weekend

better times to come

tell us

called in

can we take a meeting?

tell us

how it went

& I stuttered

asked

tell me what you mean

oh you know they said

we’ve heard

various things

& I offered my innocence

knowing that was not enough

c’mon you know

what we meant

things were said

you said

do you deny?

yes

every time

or else

cowardice

will win the day

make them fight

because they want

to win

surrender gig

hehehehehe

I hear it

you hear it

on the radio tv

in the street interviews

in the supermarket

everywhere you go

that low breathy

hehehehehe

we’re all in this together

& I don’t think

that they even know

they are doing this

hehehehehe

but no

such a false flag

surrender gig

we are not

all

in this together

please do not include me

in your

subterfuge

of

being one of the crowd

raised by wolves

this one came in

threw out all

my drawers with holes

I got you these

I like a man who wears black

another changed my bed my sheets

curtains pressed my jeans

there I drew the line

no please don’t do that

another hated my accent

the way I held a fork

it seemed they loved me

just the way I am

but a little shading here there

might help

& I noticed too

any hints I might offer

on clothing dressing of a room

was downright criticism

like with my way of being

I knew

anything about taste

being raised by wolves

there was clarity given:

if you finish with me

I will never speak to you

ever

again

& being me young

fond of people

I’d been with before

accepting

sometimes

things do not work out

but you can still be civil

so when we parted

I tested her resolve

& bless her

she kept to that

so now I understand full

if somebody cuts you off

the least you can do

is to respect that wish

& hold them as dead

too for how else will they know?

pantyhose

playing Puck

in the school play

midsummer night’s dream

all of twelve-thirteen

they had the jerkin

shirt feather hat

the greasepaint

but could I supply

the brown tights please?

I guess now as gesture

of commitment

so I asked them at home

for these

& they gave me summer tan

pantyhose

so out I went

on my toadstool

broadcasting my lines

in summer tan pantyhose

giving it all my all

this youthful comely sprite

in tights

ignoring the crowd jeers

if you please

there is no space

this letting go

days are not easy

nights worse still

sitting standing alone

in the letting go

this blind man

climbing the mountain

wanting to hold on

to everything

otherwise

there is nothing

but being alone

& in those times

when my floors walls

were bare

to be letting go

seemed

that one step

beyond dare

until realisation comes

unless this goes

there is no space

for new to come on in

if only

it were that easy

just a little

lump on my head

needing removal

this may sting he says

just a little

as I feel hear

the local anaesthetic needle

crunch into my skull

they give me some time

just a little

before they cut my hair

needing a clear zone

around the lump

you ok? they go

& I say yeah

I feel them pull my head

begin to hack my skin

any discomfort they ask

oh just a little

as they ignore me

I am now just

a slab of meat

requiring attention

as I drift off to my hill

planting trees

spade into the ground

create a hole

slide in the whip

firm up around

just a little

& wait a while