scattergun

she was throwing words

scattergun

down the hall

heading for the door

I’ll make you wish

you’d never been born!

& I was shielding

throwing back scorn

hell baby I’m already at

wishing we’d never met

half way there already

shouldn’t be too much work

there for you at all

she slammed the door

enough to rattle the neighbours

twitch their curtains

but I knew she’d be back

drama like this

with an easy audience

always but always

deserves an encore

metaphor

I have

no control over

what you think

you see

when you peep

into my windows

but but but

he motorboated

you were…

as I said

what you think

you saw

was not

what was happening

but but but…he goes

lets think about this shall we?

you a peeper

a creeper

versus a fella & his woman

minding their own

in the sanctity of their home

doing what they please

breaking no laws

but you were

need I say more?

the spell

I was carrying the hurt

of another judy gone

two years together

she’d got up & run

while I dragged pain around

the spell

called for intimate personal of hers

an item of importance to me

say the words cast the spell

throw them into deep water

I found her underwear

the kind she left everywhere

my ivory handle dagger

tied them together black silk

made the incantation

threw them into the sea

& within a week

I felt better could handle the days

the nights took a little longer

& now if you were to ask

you miss that judy son?

I can hand on heart say no

I do miss that dagger though

acerbic

I have no ideas

on words used

what had been said

but I could feel in the room

atoms swirling between us

in this little group gathered

some comment had been made

there was an air of expectation

of unmitigated cruelty

some sarcasm acerbic comments

would be made by me

this was who I was

today always forever

& any sweetness light offered

would be interpreted

no matter what

I settled back & waited

for the attack to begin

what else could they do?

with this monster

up front & close

within their beautiful circle

anxiety

there are

anxious men everywhere

anxious women

anxious people

some show this by being early

others by being late

their anxiety creating confusion

along their ways

these conditions can never be cured

by confident doctors

leading perfect lives of no neuroses

how could they ever understand

that anxiety is as anxiety does

if anxious people have no excuses

how could they really live?

if she’d be inclined

I’d seen her work

sketches pastels

notebooks with odd jottings

in corner leaves

tho’ after she moved in

I never saw her with

a brush pencil crayon in hands

& being that way

I asked her the why?

tho’ now being older wiser

I’d be asking

what’s that about?

she said she felt people

pressured her to produce

so instead preferred not to

in her pronounced

pleased perversity

after a year I asked her

if she’d be inclined

do me a drawing on the wall

as I liked her work

to be told I was just like the others

so I demurred for a while

& now I wonder

who she’s not painting for these days

when it comes to secrets

I’m thinking

he said out loud

there’s this place downtown

I know there’s no cctv

very little security

I can go over the wall

do the back door

help myself with 

impunity

that’s a big word

I offered

for a man talking stupid

you’ve now involved me

in a conspiracy

I’m supposed as a citizen

to report you

didn’t you learn anything

in the last stretch?

trust no one tell no one

when it comes to secrets

two is a crowd

I’m gonna say it was beer talking

just some fool flapping his loose lips

talking proud now stfu please

vision of beauty

all long red hair red lips

in a slim green dress

passing before my eyes

& I felt the need

go jump in

ride the wild pony

right out of sight

but something held me

had my back

saw her sit down

snap at the waitress

treat her like shit

so I returned to my coffee

whistling soft

under my breath

oooh there goes a demon

dressed in nice clothes

bright freckle skin under the sun

best I sit still for a while

having already had

plenty of those

worth more

between spaces places

those times

I spent by myself

between spaces places

neither one thing

or the other

unbecoming

becoming

betwixt between

liminal seminal

I thought

I was lonely

when I was

just alone

that time was

worth more

than any money

I’ve ever earned