Ambition

I was feeling good had a glass in my hand

& from where I was sat could see more to be had

which is a good thing at 2 am

when she sat down next to me holding a glass of something red

so how’d you know Bob?

Bob?

the guy whose party this is

oh that Bob from the bar the pub y’know around

& what do you do?

I make a living & you?

she liked this began talking

she did something with telling people what to do

while i eyed the booze on the table bar

you want a refill? thinking not to be a hog

got her a glass of red & more thinking juice for me

what’s your ambition? she asked next

to sit here drink some more enjoy the party

no no no I mean in life what’s next for you?

oh you know earn some money get on some

you?

& that started her engines again for another while

something about promotion in telling people what to do

marriage babies nice house good car & on

would you like a refill? feeling generous with the house booze

oh no I think I’ve had enough haven’t you?

I’m ok might sit here a while longer enjoy the place

she got up smiled all sweet it’s been nice talking to you

as I got up got a refill thinking of a stray bullet dodged

yes I guess it was nice talking to me

& over time

you meet them

& never know

will this be the one?

or one who comes

goes

or another who sticks around

year to year

& over time

you come to understand

the one who becomes

your friend

not the hot lover

gone in a day week year

is the one

who when they go

brings the true tear

I didn’t do it for you

I don’t like tattoos

she said all prim proper

don’t get one then I offered

its more

I don’t like men with tattoos

she went on

& she had reasons up the wazoo

for all the worth those had

tho’ i seemed to be listening

seemed to care

one thing led to another

as listening will do that

& some time later

she changed her mind

about tattoos & men

told me I’d done that to her

& I told her back quick

like tattoos

I didn’t do it for you

to get raised

it don’t take much

for the bird to fly

middle digits two fingers

to get raised

thrown at you on the highway

that irascible nature

people behind the wheel

frothing close to the surface

people you know maybe love

see them screaming

mouths twisted in rage

to think I’ve kissed those lips

or

if its you

man I could punch that face

words you might never use

but for being on the road

driving your wheels

sometimes a cigar is just a cigar

I found this for you

as she handed over a tissue wrapped gift

inside was a brass & bright glass hour glass

of course I said thank you

put it on the side to gleam

so’s I could watch the sand slip time

she dealt in antiques curious

the found in thrift charity stores

church rummage jumble sales

making a living from a bit made here & there

sitting behind tables at antique fairs

& now

leaving me with the puzzle

as to why such a gift

had I made her wait

or was it her

making me the same?

youf enit

girl about fourteen

friends daughter

standing in my hallway

wanting money from him

I need some new Vans’

she caught my look & misunderstood

they’re a shoe

very trendy & I like them lots

like I knew nothing about this

as though there weren’t 2 pairs

in the rack behind her

tell me more I said

catching my friends eye

we know nothing of fashion

do please tell us all about these

& bless her

she did

choices

doesn’t seem to matter

the people critical

of the what you do

& I’m not just talking

the poesy here

more your life

adventures exploits

choices in scenery

cars bikes houses

even the furniture

decisions you made

doesn’t seem to matter

that they have not

do not do these things

yet still feel good & able

to criticise

a walk to find

dropped off

middle of nowhere

a walk to find

a place to be today

not a penny to my name

how many times

did I make that come true?

& what I had then

I wish I had now

there was always something

coming along

make sure I got to eat

found for a un parch of my throat

whether it was friends

the good will of people

these times have all gone now

now it’s earn earn earn

make work pay your money down who cares if you drown

the same people

I don’t see

no different today

than yesterday

the same people in suits

whistling the same tunes

talking perfectly

been taught to use their hands

telling me to vote

make things change

& I’m looking at the same people

told me us the same thing

today

as yesterday

& wondering who paid

for the suits dresses hair do’s

money in their bank

that I ain’t got in mine

fool never gets the blues

looking at this fool grinning on the tv

you know he went to a good school

the right kind of university

laughing about his writing

how it all came so easily

like he never gets the blues

his silver spoon shining in the sun

& that’s why I can’t read his stuff

the dum de dum de da

poor rhyme moon in June guff

& I wonder late into my sleepless night

is what I got just deep green jealousy?

on the closed shops these people create

maybe so because I do get the blues

on why no talent rich kids get the print

while I can’t write the hearts & flowers

for the easy money flowing in

get to be the happy go lucky fella

living life in lint