gonna kick your ass!

he was screaming at me

making shapes like he meant it

you remind me of my dad

& I hated him!

ok I’m not your Dad

not your whipping boy either

bring it the fuck on

he didn’t

he was enjoying himself too much

in the hurling of threats

huffing puffing his little chest out

I could see he needed help get started

what you remind me of I said soft

y’know when you’re on the crapper?

you think you’re done

you wipe your ass but as you rise

you feel a bit of movement

& you have to sit down again

start over? that’s you

he charged in at that prompt

arms windmilling face all hot red

I stepped aside

let him almost pass by

then caught his knee with my foot

he went down fast holding his knee

cursing again but we both knew

he was not going to get up for a while

walking away shaking my head

the things a man has to go through

to get some peace

that time is gone

she loved him every day

she says crying on the phone

& me?

I’m in listening mode

not gonna argue the toss today

I loved him cared for him

& now he & me are over

I gotta find somewhere else to stay

like here would be possible…

I’m listening not talking

holding my hand

right there over my mouth

like I did the times before

she called in to complain

about his lazy ass his drinking

his lack of work doing anything

& if time runs true to form

she’ll call again a day or two

tell me all about

we made it up back again

hows life with you?

& I keep quiet hanging on

letting her run on

the time for telling truth to her?

that time is gone

floating

I was floating

just doing my thing

not taking too much too serious

letting anything that happened

happen

& I took that wave

as far as I could

not that these unfreaks understood

they were fighting each for scraps

morsels

stepping over each other

drawing lines drawn redrawn

over in the sand

& they called me feckless

reckless irresponsible

yet now

I look over their castles

still not getting it

because I can reach out

crumble them in my hands

should I ever feel the need

backsliding

be about 1.30 the streets getting quieter

I was wending my way home

the better for wear

having spent some hours with friends

developing a good buzz & mood

& there she was looking good

though it’d been two months

since we last saw & fought each other

standing on the corner of my street

hey she said slow how are you?

I’m good I offered tho’ thinking

this may not end well

she moved in for a kiss put my hands on her hips

I could feel her suspender belt her stocking tops

her mouth wet on mine

& I was done for

I took her home what else was I going to do?

where she fell straight to sleep

to wake four hours later

how did I get here? did you fuck me?

I’m leaving can you take me home?

drove her home

dropped her off vowing

from then on

to take a different route home

saw her eyes look away

late afternoon at the circle c

sitting in the plunge pool

sipping on something cool

I saw her eyes look away

one of those beautiful boomer

tall thin blonde California ladies

& I did not want much

maybe five minutes or so

to hear of her day ways life

thinking those would be so much

interesting & different than mine

that much I knew from the way

her eyes ran away cold

from the dude in the pool

tall glass in hand

wanting nothing from her

no robin hood me

I liked her

but she wanted more

us to be a thing

& I had nothing more

for this divorcee

two kids from an absent dad

living in a government scheme

no knight in shining armour

I was living in second hand suits

scraping a living

grinding along the bottom

working towards something better

two steps forward almost two back

failing old beater for a car

broke two days before payday

no robin hood me

I could not even rescue myself

for a long time

& when I had something more

she was long gone

I saw her one morning years later

rushing for a train

she’d finally landed a job

a decent man a new life

& now had no time for me

invite to attend

I don’t get many invites

to weddings anymore

there seems to be more funerals

people going on before

I got an invite to attend

an old friend not seen in years

we didn’t hang out together much

him being fifteen or more years on me

this his third wedding he’d done

all I need do was sign up

two nights at the hotel to celebrate

I looked up the place the party rooms

& up came the details

if you have X amount of guests

your wedding party comes for free

as my understanding came on

this was to be a numbers game

of which the invitation

to be paying

doesn’t everybody

she wanted love

doesn’t everybody?

& I wanted something

but wasn’t prepared to be involved

in the round of family meetings

mad uncles’ feckless aunts

indifferent parents

bad drunk crazed siblings

taking the cowards way out

becoming gently distant

never fully involved

until she threw me over

found somebody more willing

the capacity

to deal with all of that

& I wanted to thank him

from the depth

of my shallow pool