my vision in blue

my vision in blue

duck egg two piece

one leg forward

long hair flowing

taken

in some suburban garden

I thought I was in love then

but then

I thought a lot of things

held many big truths

& now

like you

if we ever meet by accident

we look at each other

& think

what were we thinking?

mystery of the missing hat

& yeah

it was a youthful affectation

matching the 30’s raincoat

I’d found in a thrift store

I thought I was Bogie

the whole channelling thing

going on

& found

it was my ex had stolen it

the whole fuck him song

singing on

there was a meeting

to give it back

to tell me she thought

I was foolish in my style

& I said yeah ok

but you wait ‘til

the rain comes along

I loved you she said sad

you rotten bastard

& I thought you knew

it’s a little late for that

my only response

maybe if you’d said before

we could have had Paris

thank you for my hat back

& headed for the door

though I don’t recall now

if it was raining outside

or not

last chance saloon

a little itty-bitty café

there in the theatre district

tucked in nice & tight

if you didn’t know

you would not see it

she took me there

when I had thought

our thing

out little affair

had dried & gone

disappeared the thin air

& later she lost her train ticket

& not being good at hints

I had not understood

this was the last chance saloon

she had wanted to stay

while I still heard her echo

from before

this is over & gone

was content to be

enjoying our time together

that night

but never again

doing the clean up

the mansion there

up on the hill

overlooking the peons

Palladian columns

in & out gateways

crunch gravel driveway

cook cleaner butler

live in housekeeper

oh she wants it all

yet thinks I don’t know

is why

when she cooks now

spots fall to the floor

it will be me

doing the clean up

that kind of shit

being beneath her

all my fault

for belonging to the poor

Chameleon

she thinks

I don’t know her well

if at all

she ever thinks of me

having metamorphized much

thinking to leave everyone behind

forgetting

I knew her long ago

before the accent shift

cut of hair

clothes

style changes

to fit in to where

she lives now

becoming the chameleon

for fear of predators

history that bit

may bite still

that won’t go away

despite new shoes

shift of colours

for display

the how come tribe

we are not rebels

with knee jerk reactions

to force against elders

inane insane authority

or contrarians

pitching in to push against

find fault in everything

taking opposite positions

just for the fun of that

nor reactionaries in revolt

fighting to hold the line

until that crumbles to dust

instead ours is of the way

of thoughtful thinking through

the try for understanding

we are the how come tribe

please tell me

the why what

how come you came to this

before you use force

to make me do your bidding

spiritual

ten thirty at night

passed out pissed on the sofa

she’d arrived drunk to get drunker

like when in Pamplona

vodka drunk ten thirty in the a.m.

stranded asleep on a street corner

clutch bag contents strewn

there at her feet

I pick up her bag this time

putting back car keys

tampons lipstick

half bottle of vodka

a youth train pass for a miles barker

then a tear stained letter

which I know I should not be reading

but I do

Miles I want you to understand

I love you in a spiritual way

feeling our souls tied together

it rambled on with more guff like that

so I put it back

with all the other shit

feeling sorry for the kid

his tangled mess to come

& got to thinking

working out how long

she’d be asleep before

I could throw her spiritual ass

through the door

amour fou

from the moment

I set eyes on you

to the last second

as I said goodbye

I knew

this was nothing but

our amour fou

blind moths drawn

to each other’s flame

to be burnt

never to be

ever the same

the only concern

being who

would be consumed

first

go against the narrative

no knock at the door

4 to 5 a.m.

anymore

now they make you

do the dirty work

neuter yourself

censor your speech

check your thoughts

before you write

speak

& if you

don’t do that

quick enough

go against the narrative

once too often’isms

they will accuse you

of ‘isms

deplatform your ideas

take away your public voice

anything to force you

to become sheep

following the ruts