too

they disapprove

more specifically

she disapproves

& he for a quiet life

goes along with this

& I of course

disapprove of all of that

the going along with

the disapproval

as I suspect

as soon as I leave the room

they will disapprove of me

too

too seriously

oh man

we spent some years together

growing up getting drunk

doing what we could for fun

& then you got take yourself

all serious doing some

you felt important job

& we went along

for a little while more

until the sunny day

we went to the river

flew out on the rope

just hanging there

& you swung out

hadn’t reached high enough

hit the bank with a great bang

& you never forgave us

for laughing right out loud

& that’s how

we remember you now

not the great kid good ideas

but the growed up man

who took himself

too seriously

after another judy gone

& then the tears come

I keep quiet about the nights

times holding myself

arms wrapped around

trying to sleep

feeling sorry for myself

again

after another judy gone

telling me I’m emotionless

don’t seem to care

& oh baby if you could only

see me then

would you dare?

squawking into the pillows

hiding my head in shame

to let those tears go

when I was with you

talking about how I felt

always seemed

you didn’t want to know

you saying you were

washed away by my feelings

too much for you to hold

so I shut them away

unfortunately

not for good

as a species

it’s not you it’s me

wandering these streets

that I once swept

working for the local council

there for a week or two

one summer some time ago

& I didn’t feel part of you then

as little as I do now

hearing your fretting

over hurt feelings

what to eat for lunch

who will father the baby

prices of stuff in the shops

how I wanted to love you

as a species

feel you close at hand

but we both know now

it’s not you it’s me

holding distance

right to the end

all quiet sneaking up

they come to me

in the small hours

all quiet sneaking up

& flying soft tears

at having not been

done

the things they wanted

to be

when they were here

seeking comfort

some sense of their years

left behind

& me to forget

the things they said

the hurt from then

poured into punches

verbal physical

& the surprise is

they are still poor listeners

for concerns other

than their own

but now I find

it is easy to ask them to leave

point them towards the light

they could not find

then or now

we were in Pamplona

there for the feria

to run in the cold mornings

finding the courage

amongst the bulls

touristas & hemingway fans

I’d found an apartment

leased for the week

& late one afternoon

refreshed by beers after the run

I was mooching around

listening to the sounds

of the Spanish at home

& looking over the internal balcony

I saw her over the way

a black beauty in a white bikini

just as she saw me

we smiled & I turned away shy

she called hola & waved

just as my then girlfriend

came to investigate

not a week after

a fairground gypsy had told her

we would not be together long

I could have saved her silver

told her that myself

& today the black bombshell

was reinforcing that message

estábamos en Pamplona

estábamos en Pamplona

allí para la feria

correr por las mañanas frías

descubrimiento de coraje

entre los toros

touristas y abanicos hemingway

Yo había encontrado un apartamento

arrendado para la semana

y tarde una tarde

refrescado por las cervezas después de la Carrera

Yo birlaba alrededor

la escucha a los sonidos

de los Españoles en casa

y revisando el balcón interno

La vi sobre el camino

como ella me vio

sonreímos y giré lejos tímido

ella llamó hola y agitó

como mi entonces novia

vino para investigar

no una semana después

un gitano de parque de atracciones le había dicho

no estaríamos juntos largos

Yo podría haber salvado su plata

dicho ella que yo mismo

y hoy el obús negro

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