there are very few loves I really regret
we’ve all done the crazy people stuff
counted those as steeper learning curves
not to ever do again
but Zoe
I regretted Zoe as soon as we were done
we’d dated a few times I liked her
she seemed to be liking me
& then one night after drinks good times
I fucked it all by fucking her
not one of my more successful sessions
more fumbles half conversations
halfs of is this working?
& afterwards all I felt was low
she was quiet lying back smiling
as it dawned I was her first time
we had made no ceremony of this
& then there was the morning after pill
she needed to go do that
wanted a post mortem later
on us our relationship
where we were going
suddenly all I felt was sordid
all I had were regrets
recognising there was a mismatch
expectations lives lived lovers ways
& none of this could go back in the box
without torn corners tears recriminations
I had in my clumsiness of assumptions
hurt a good person
in not being a fully serious person
neilbenbow 