man it was cold

driving through the mountains

sky a deep blue

snow all around

& I hadn’t spoken a word

to anybody for a day

close to two

& all the traffic took a right

even if I knew

on the map my route

took a straight through

& maybe for fellow feeling

some sense of belong

maybe they knew

something I did not

I took that right

ended at a ski resort

watching them pull out boards

skis sticks hats & gloves

multicolour blaze & laughter

for the fun to come

as I turned around

& drove back

on my own

feeling lonelier

than ever before

T shirts they wear

telling other people who they are

advertising clothes

they cannot afford to buy

bands

they have never seen

the singer being long dead

drummer choked 😉

some while ago

& over there

apparently

is mr. grumpy

now bending

over his shopping cart

to find a jelly donut

to stuff into his maw

creating a gurt great grin

denying the decal

over again

if there were matches

& I could not trust my hands

my mind in those days

from tearing at thin edges

loose frayed wisps to tear

if there were matches

there were not enough bridges to burn

to keep a little light on

find my way home

only phone calls trading anger

causing wanting pain

so hard I bit broke my teeth

& now nothing remains

everything from then is gone

no ruins no foundations

only a ritual to remind

there once lay something loved

as I walk by passing

missing nothing but emotion

moving again to farther on

people will

she will do what she will do

he will do what he will do

people will do what they always

will do

& you can advise them

talk until

your face is blue

& they will do what they will do

acting against their own

best interests

self-sabotaging their every step

& all you can do

is stare & watch

shaking your head in amaze

doing what you will do

gap in the head

feeling like something was due

unpaid bill

kick to the groin

smack to the back of the head

waiting waiting

for the next bit of shit

to arrive

wanting to get over something

no name no pack drill

no notice no nothing

for the other shoe to fall

& if they knew

this was the result of how they were

never getting past their own violence

could they ever change?

& some of us go seeking drama

fill that vacant waiting space

as others avoid excitement

hiding in corners to try to erase

but the feeling always remains

& knowing how you were raised

does nothing ever to help you

avoid this empty waiting game

for that other shoe

to drop

pay you straight

the good ones

will pay you straight

right then & there

be good to them

& that comes right back at you

but the bad ones

they prefer it

if you treat them mean

& most of the time

I couldn’t be bothered

to give ‘em a cheap crack or line

rile them up just that way

& those ones will work hard

just to keep you on your toes

do the shittiest things

set you up for a fist fight

some half drunk bar punk

try to sweet talk him

into a back alley fumble

sly to make you bite

be angry to show your love

‘cos that they understand

all too well

& I couldn’t be bothered

would say

if you wanna be a slut

go do it but don’t try to justify

by something I said

or didn’t say

& that in itself

would give her enough ammo

to get done what she wanted to do

my role was only to observe

maybe pick up the pieces later

when she hated herself

even more

full sane

telling the bees

I put the paper

brass thumbtack to last

top corner of the hive

letting them know

you were gone

I’d be smelling different

for a little while

sadness does that

you were no longer alive

in my world

but we’d carry on

much the same

I’d be back in a week

maybe two

smoking across the frame

no matter these things

you & i

we have to carry on

do these things

much the same

but first you had to know

for a little while

I would not be full sane

they always come

taking a room

any room

to throw your rags

used paperbacks

old music in

& she wants quiet

are you a quiet boy? she asks

eyes all brown looking in smiles

& you nod

what other way can there be?

as you try to settle in

finding the lumps in the bed

worn ways from history’s quiet boys

hearing the water pipes hiss

they always come

see the king deposed from his throne

in a gone to dust room

they sit there smiling

the boys who’ve sat in your house

ripped up the long nights together

now watching you for tears

sadness to tell others

since she threw him out

he’s not the same

until there is a room full of them

& the landlady’s broom knocks the floor

dumm dumm dumm

so you throw ‘em out

they clump down the stairs thump thump thump

as she stares: I thought you were a quiet boy

& the next day

your shit is boxed there on the stoop

don’t come back she says eyes all steel now

I only want quiet boys here