not about flooring

beautiful slabs

saw these beautiful slabs

great plates of stone

so I got ‘em

brought ‘em home

laid ‘em down

there on the bathroom floor

& time has taken its toll

the sheen wore straight off

now they bear the stains of time

the horrors bathrooms

life beholds

& now I’m thinking

do I let ‘em age disgracefully

trade ‘em in

lay something new down?

on these shoulders

over these long years

I’ve been asked to take

a lot of blame

& as ever with those people

this is never a one shot deal

they like to add in some shame

& I’m not a mean person

I can take on these shoulders

what belongs to me

but those with the pointing fingers

I’ve found this to be true

are never prepared

to be part of an honest game

take on any burden could be their own

if they can pass this on to you

trotted that out

you seem very angry

she trotted that out

like so many before

the go to phrase

for women who never quite get

been thoroughly immersed in men

this again?

is the first thought

have I time

the will

the energy to educate?

the second

Ok I say

stop right there with the pronouncements

just because it’s in your head

don’t make it so

does what I say make you angry?

my thoughts trip you out?

what I think happens here

is my passion

fervor

gets translated within you

to anger

the emotion easier to give to men

if you knew us, me

spent a little more time listening

than interpreting

but she’s lost again

those voices in her head

will always win through

policy of peace

lying together

you tell them your dreams

& later in their desire

to piss on your fire

in the hope to kill you dead

they will tear everything apart

& this is why

you have to let them go

mine was a policy of peace

hers was of Mutual Assured Destruction

MAD in life & love

& once our together was over

her pursuit of vengeance

was not only part

of her mad’ness

but her reason to live

me & Sigmund the dream team

I was dreaming of mosquito’s

there was always more of them

though I batted & batted

& waking trying to make sense

what would Siggy make of this?

then sat on the crapper

I awoke with a jolt

it starts with your parents

then the wider family

on to frustrated teachers

needing love by the armful

work & co workers

trying to find some solace there

instead of within themselves

& each takes but a tiny bite

a drop or two of blood

to leave itches that if scratched

only cause more irritation

& lovers wanting

demanding more from a soul

already drained by the biters

willing to take in the long nights

if little prepared to give

ah Siggy I thought

if only I’d dreamed of fish

best left to heal

the thought of talking

to you again

fills me with horror

but if I could find

you were doing ok

had moved on

doing what you need

that would be enough

information to please

I’d not need the gaps

filling in on your family

weak kneed friends

half followed hobbies

work with sad others

your need to please

lets forget the idea eh?

no news

is always good news

bigger heart than mine

I could not keep up

though I loved to drink

there was always a part of me

when my head said enough

& I’d leave

she was not built like that

sure, she’d leave with me

wait ‘til I was tucked up

& then return for more

more

sometimes she’d return with bruises

stories of situations gotten into

I couldn’t touch her

knowing she was freshly fucked

time would make me forgive

if not entirely forget

until the next time

time after that

finding her locked in embrace

with the guy who’d been buying her drinks

there were days I’d not see her

until whoever was there was gone

she’d sidle up to me in the bar

& we’d start over

somewhere I held hope

she’d find a rich man to keep her

protect her

a bigger heart than mine

&

something must have happened

one day she just kept on

not coming back

walks like a duck

you scare me she said

if never quite qualifying the why

where her life

filled me with horror

claiming false love out loud

for others

she said privately to hate

& as is always

with that kind of talk

you wonder

when you leave the room

if your name is on the shit list

so we mumbled on together

for a short while

me feeling I never got a handle

on the real person

& she being scared

of my being forthright with people

& the worse thing I did

apparently

was to let her go

she wanted to be in charge

of that too

I hear the yaffle

through the open window

breaking my reverie

time when you told me

I was a monster

& had to go

& I took all of that in

why would you lie?

when using other words of love

& oh so much later

when I saw you settle

taking life easy in your new car

dressed up to go for brunch

with your fresh friends

looking the other way from me

but knowing you’d seen

the words flowed out

through the puncture wounds

I was not the monster

neither were you

just wanting different things

doesn’t make that so

even if you were a bitch

about all of that

oh really?

high summer

& I was breaking my feet

washing dishes

taking out the trash

in this high end restaurant

come lunch & I’d get a poorboy

fifteen minutes

go sit on the seafront

take the air

& think of getting paid

half way through the poorboy

& I had to go piss

urgent

so I trot into the public toilet

poorboy clamped between my teeth

it was that urgent

next to me is this thin guy

face all puckered up disgusted

I finish wash my hands & go sit

five minutes left of sun

then back to the steam

the shouting

& later in the paper

there’s this bit about public hygiene

some doctor telling the story

he’s taking a piss

& some guy comes in

sandwich between his teeth

so unghygienic he goes on

all those airborne bugs

miasma of ill health

does he mean me? I think

maybe he should see backstairs

of this fancy restaurant

places I’ve lived

& years later

I see his name again

minus the dr. bit

soliciting for sex

in those same toilets

& this time I think

y’gotta be careful

what you put in your mouth

in those places eh?