this pains me now

to think about

cars beeping

people jeering at the drunk

& several times I fell over

something kept lifting me

struggling forward

walking in wobbly lines

until i finally fell

could not move

could hear voices

asking if I was ok

as I puked on their shoes

wondering why

I wasn’t dead yet

& the harder part

is living after this

the people wanting to keep you alive

but not wanting to help with the problems

of why you don’t

I’d had it all planned out

drinks with pills

out in the backwoods

on a warm day

no note no nothing

just straight on into oblivion

over some girl

who I’d been living with

& wanted me gone

losing my home, her

then

it felt like everything

I had nowhere to go

no plans

as the pills went down with the booze

& I fell asleep

the next I was struggling to walk down the road

cars beeping

the people jeering at the drunk

& the harder part

is to live after

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