As a growed man

Sleeping on camp beds in conservatories
cramped single cots in spare rooms
meeting her parents
once in a caravan back of a long garden
only coming in to shit
shower
sit nervously around a long table
with the family
her family
being looked over by brothers & sisters
talk to daddy about cars
say you like mummy’s’ décor
separated in case we break into the dirty
we’ve been doing to each other
for a while now
all those nights
days
weeks & months
of finding out each other
fucking to find rhythym
leading to this antiseptic display
of quiet affection
wanting to run away
but knowing this means a lot
to being with her family at Christmas
Easter, wedding, whatever
its only a couple of days she’ll whisper
as they find us looking guilty
daring to be in our together in this hallowed space
not allowed to lie together
yet having to live this lie that we are

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