pay rent

I woke up
in the deep black dark
fumbling in the ink
who’s bed was this?
who’s room?
wondering where I’d wound up
fragments of the night coming back
the relief of being home
flooding light into the gloom
an evening with people
not wanting to pay rent
waiting & listening
for others to spark the hours
starting off sipping
moving into drinking
hoping the boredom would lift
nobody had opinions on anything
in fear of raising offence
ideas had drained from these urbane
literate suburban high rise yoyo’s
looking for me to raise the bar
be the entertainment
& I remember wheeling
baying not your fucking clown
which made the statement false
all went down after that
when their polite faces
could not recognise
sincerity of my dislike
of their sauve mannered distances
sure they’d read Watts
understood to be in the now
but had failed to understand
that was a continuing instruction
rather than lines soiling the read once page
I was home safe again
a space beside me relieved
thankful I didn’t have to talk
I pushed my feet from the bed
reached for the pen
and

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