Staring at the sea

in the north east
that dark corner
of england
& I’d finished for the day
didn’t yet want to go home
sat staring out to sea
again
leaning tight
against a grey stone wall
held by it
lost in time
space
wanting change to come
& not wanting the next breath
knowing
all this so far
had been a long walk
all in the wrong direction
what was next
was not going to be easy
& I wanted to be that wall
holding the sea
holding still
stay there staring out to sea
feeling those steel waves crashing
on my dirty coal dust beach
knowing
this was just the start
of the beginning of alone
struggling to find the words
of how was I going to say
I’m sorry my love
there will not be another day
& knowing
worst of it
I’d be asking for her love
in forgiveness
as I walked away

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