Her eyes lost & fearful

she wanted to try acid
I got 2 hits from a friend
said
ok lets do one each
on Friday night
I had to work until 9
we were to meet up
drop
after that
she arrived
her eyes wild
lost
fearful
I took mine about
an hour ago she said
me thinking
oh shit
she’d walked across the city coming up
the pavement rippling beneath her feet
lights streaming by as the cars crashed gears
& lightning took her thinking to newer places
I held her hand
feeling her hot fingers fret against my palm
is this it
is this it
is
this
it?
she wailed
thankfully the moon caught her
& she fell silent for a few minutes
muttered
I want to nest with you
No
I want to walk with you
so we walked
she talked
feeling finally
at one
with herself
we walked out of the city
into heathland
sat staring at the stars
for a long time
communicating silently
with them
us
suddenly she stood up
ran
I chased after her
caught up
but she was gone
all internal
the cops stopped me
we have a call
a man chasing a woman
yeah
I said
we had a few drinks
she ran off
I caught up
alls ok
are you ok miss?
oh yeah she smiled
smile from ear to ear
pupils wide taking in light from galaxies
just forming out at the edge
no understanding of this situation
lost deep within her inner worlds
we walked on
me maintaining enough to get us home
made a nest on the floor
coats
blankets
woolly jumpers
throws
curled together
feeling animal warmth
I wrote meaningful gibberish for hours
in a green book of mystic origins
to hold my understandings for future reference
while she slept
dreamt
woke to ask questions that contained
whole universes of intent
& then it was over
she slept without dreams
for a few hours
& ran away
while I sorted out my rooms
tried to make sense
of the night
the trip
my little green book
while blue light flickered
caught
at my edges

for ‘crystaltips’

You’ve just to keep going

waking up
getting dressed
walking thru’ the streets
early dawns
late nights
ok this one stole your cigarettes
that one your heart
her
your car
music
books
china plates
& you get up
acquire it all over again
until the next split up
the one after that
& her after that
maybe you’ll take a break
remember just who
you
are
feel fit
healthy
take a girl to run with the bulls
& she’s bored
what?
you keep going
then
you find one who likes
you
most of your sad jokes
books
writers
music
life
& you stay together
you might fret a little
is this it?
will this last?
& you remember
just keep going
let life resolve this
over time
like it does
everything else.

Koalas

I wipe my ass on koala bears
now
their cute furry features
imprinted on the soft
double layered paper
& I think on poems I wrote
as a young man
travelling across country
hitching rides
eating only chocolate
burgers & coffee
when I could get them
sometimes it’d be a day
between meals
& that would create gut problems
I’d be caught short
middle of nowhere
in the trees
behind bushes
side of the road
& my salvation
lay only in the paper
I’d written my latest opus
on
maybe that is the best use
ever

This thing we have

we know exactly
how we got here
even if we don’t wish
to hear exact details
please
this thing of ours
that we must puzzle out
as we go
very few of us get to know
exactly
how we will end
& those who do
only have this by cutting short
the process
& if we could know
would we
deny spontaneity
continuance
& be
but ghosts
in love
with the idea
of living?

There is no (2 parts to this)

There is no (see page 2)
birthright
bitter pill to swallow
easy way to say this
me in team
refunds on poor decisions
good end to a bad relationship
bad sex
tax exemption
poor love
bad kid
page 2
rich parents do of course create the ground for success = birthrights
it’s a form of words for: grow up; deal with it
yes there is, stop being a drama queen & spit it out
unless you jumble the words, teams need jumbling anyway
women seem to flout this when buying clothes
you are out of it, or was it you that was poisonous?
there is not very good sex, drunk, fumble & of course awkward sex, it is still sex & there is a whole bunch of people wishing they were having all & any of that, right now
see rich parents bit, if you are poor, you are of course: screwed
like sex, all love is: ‘it is what it is’ make it better, learn
unless you are a german kid on a ferry playing techno in my ear….
all kids are good kids, they fuck up, they learn, unless you are the bad kid

Espagne

I hurt myself in a Spanish street
always thought
it’d be a bull
just after dawn
but no
I fell off my bicycle
the people were all caring
& not
like when I got trampled
gored in my back
in Pamplona
the doc said: what happened
& I told him that a drunk
had filled my running space
& by the time I’d pushed him away
the bull trampled me & was gone
& that deep shit of a quack
snottily said
instantly
you could tell he was drunk?
we have tests for that & still
can’t tell
I wanted to push him over
then
but I waited as he patched me up
gave out pills
I let the silence between us
deepen
grow
if you’ve run the bulls you know
& if you haven’t
you make cheap
punk comments
like that

Chance

You have but one chance

to make your ‘it’ happen

other chances may occur

but they will not be the same

the main chance

main time

your time

the harder part

is to not let anybody

tell you

that this

is not so

no matter what the ‘thing’ is

that you know to be true

you

must do it

& then let it be

forever

if you hesitate

let another

say wait

until tomorrow

your ‘thing’

will

be gone

never

to be the same

what this bravery

forgets

is the pain

in tending your solitary furrow

taking the long way home

being you

against the wisdom

the take

of the crowd

enjoy

the urge

atavistic compulsion

to leave an offering

to some votive spirit

in the place

I’ve camped

rested peacefully

or enjoyed my time in

nothing grand

no gold bars

but a silver coin

once a bottle of wine

a token of peace

to mark the place

give back

no mysteries of origin

when all this is

a simple attempt

at thank you

or maybe

balance

hannibal

It is possible

the historians tell us

to witness first hand

the flattened paths

where Hannibal

his army

the elephants

ground their way over the alps

the will to do this

determination

character

& the insight to connect

Geography over distance

& those elephants

strange fish

out of stranger waters

& I wonder

as I do

of the fertility of that route

the following spring

& the strange plants

that grew in their wake

she was yellow

as a dirty roadside companion rose

I was tied to my hospital bed

by lyme disease

could walk as far as the toilet

to much disapproval by nurses

she would smile as she walked by

and we began a conversation

would I like a newspapaper?

a kit kat from the shop?

and off she’d go

seeming happy to have something to do

& the nurse said

‘don’t get too close

she will be gone

by Saturday’

so

of course

I had to ask

‘an overdose

these are her

days of grace

before total organ failure’

not a high priority for transplant

when my yellow dusky rose returned

she could see by my face

that I knew

she smiled

said

‘oh well, eh?’

& the next day

was gone.